Saturday, May 29, 2010

Weak End Edition: Blow the Whistle

Weak End Edition: Bad Acting

Weak End Edition: An Ode to the Stand Up Comedian

Rodney Dangerfield, in his autobigraphy made a great point about how Stand up Comedy gets no respect. He asks the reader how many comedic movies get nominated for awards. He also makes a good point that when they host the Academy Awards, they frequently hire a comedian to host the event. In other words, the comedian is summoned to entertain but isn't given the respect that is deserved. I think that the reason for this is the missconception that comedy "comes naturally" and is therefore easy to do. I think of the movie "The King of Comedy". There is a scene where a young Robert De Niro (playing Rupert Pupkin) sneaks into the limo of Jerry Lewis who plays a successful comedian that Rupert admires. Robert Deniro's character is obsessed with being a comedian and begs Jerry Lewis's character to give him a shot because he's funny and just knows that he can do stand up. Jerry Lewis tells him the following:
"It looks so simple to the viewer at home…those things that come so easily that are so relaxed and it looks like it’s just a matter of taking a breath. It takes years and years of honing that and working it.’
That quote says it all. Stand up Comedy is an art and like any art, it takes time do develop and get good at it. I've dabbled in it and believe me when I tell you, it's not easy. Even top comedians that seem to be naturally funny have been working their craft for years so by the time you see them being "naturally funny", their craft is already perfected. I was watching a top comedian's Comedy Central special from several years ago. It was good but it wasn't spectacular. Then he did another special in 2010 that was excellent. His overemphasizing of certain words is now more exagerrated and is hillarious. BUT you could see in his earlier special that aspect was only staring to develop. I read that the great Mitch Hedgberg used to not get laughs when he first started! So it's humbling to know that the great comedians actually have to work at it. This is why I'm a big fan of good stand up. When done right, it is an art, it is a performance, it is a social commentary disguised as jokes. I don't think that the average person fully appreciates the hard work that comedians put into their craft. They are like Rupert Pupkin, confident that comedy isn't that hard to do. This is an ode to comedians everywhere that are busy working premises, punchlines, and trying to find how certain ideas can be combined just like a painter uses colors to paint a canvas, the comedian uses words. Check out this clip of the very funny and brilliant Mitch Hedberg.

Friday, May 28, 2010


A woman is suing United Airlines after she was left to sleep unattended for 4 hours after the plane landed. She was discovered by a cleaning crew at 4:00 AM the following day. United said they will compensate Mrs. Van Winkle.

Different Strokes actor Gary Coleman was hospitalized after falling down. A street curb may not seem high for you or me but for Gary...

Rapper 50 Cent lost 50 pounds for a movie called Things Fall Apart. The Pound also lost 50 cents because Greece is falling apart.

The folks at BP are getting desperate to interrupt the flow of oil. There are reports that they have hired Kanye West.

Kiss rocker Gene Simmons is being accused of sexually assaulting a make up artist. His tounge is denying all charges.

Thursday, May 27, 2010


I'm tired of BP adding the word "top" to give the illusion that they're compent. First they gave us the "Top Hat." Now they're doing the "Top Kill." Next, they will turn to their main man in charge of the spill; Carrot Top.

President Obama is scheduled to announce suspending Artic drilling. This is bad news for Palin's husband who was planning a romantic weekend.

In a strange coincidence,Sean Rodriguez from the Tampa Bay rays was stung by an actual ray in the beach and needed to get asistance from a paramedic. Thank God he he doesn't play for the Padres.

Arizona claims that it is not targeting only Hispanics but all illegal immigrants. Then why are they proposing another law that will make a crime to have a last name that ends in "EZ"?

The FDA has issued a warning for patients that are taking heartburn drugs like Nexium and Prilosec for more than a year. Side effects include an increase risk of hip,wrist, and spine fractures. Patients are instructed go and talk to their doctors, that is ,if they are stil able to walk.

Country legend Willie Nelson cut his long pigtails. That means that Suave Shampoo just lost 20% of its revenue.

Monday, May 24, 2010


The oil spill off the coast of Mexico has now reached Louisiana and is even affecting Mardi Gras. The jazz musicians now play "when the saints come dripping in".

After getting criticized for his controversial views on civil rights, Sarah Palin said that Rand Paul "is learning what it's like to be me". When asked about the comparison to Palin, Mr.Paul just winked, checked the writing on his hand, and said,"you betcha".

The Cleveland Cavaliers have fired Cav's coach Mike Brown after failing to go to the finals; answering the question, "What can Brown do for you?"

Britain's Duchess of York known as "Fergie" was caught on camera offering to sell access to her ex-husband for $718,000. I don't see the problem. In politics we call this lobbying.

Lindsey Lohan was in a Los Angeles courthouse on Monday. She was wearing a black suit made by Gucci and an alcohol monitoring bracelet by Judge Marsha Revel.

President Obama said he hopes that meeting with China will promote free trade. This angered Sarah Palin who said we should charge for our goods.

The White House and key Congressional Democrats reached an agreement on Monday to repeal the "don't ask, don't tell" policy for dealing with gays in the millitary. Under the agreement, soldiers instead will be asked if they own any music by Barbra Streisand.

Bob Dylan turns 69. The guy is old, like a rolling stone.

Saturday, May 22, 2010


Lindsey Lohan, who is to play Linda Lovelace in the movie Deepthroat, had an arrest warrant issued when she failed to appear in court. She had to post bond to avoid being arrested. Like the movie, it was hard to swallow.

Conservatives on the Texas Board of Education have approved an ammendment that would change the school curriculum giving it a more conservative tilt. The board say they 're being fair and balanced and just wanted to report and let you decide.

There is a call by some to end "artificial life" after scientists were able to create synthetic DNA. This would mean an end to the Kardashians.

Pac-Man turns 30. He no longer eats dots and chases ghosts. After facing foreclosure and job loss, he was forced to become a stay at home dad and take care of the kids he had with Ms Pac-Man.

BP executives are being accused of lying about the amount of oil it was capturing. First they said they were capturing 5000 barrels of oil. Then they said it was more like 2000 barrels of oil. Now they are saying it's 99 bottles of oil on the wall.

Friday, May 21, 2010

The genius of Richard Pryor (ahead of his time)

I hate myself for watching this show

My taste in entertainment has gone to crap. I watched Deal or No Deal a few times and before you knew it, I was emotionally involved in the decisions of the contestants. "Take the money," I yelled at my TV screen when given the opportunity to take a deal. If you haven't watched the show, here is a summary. There is no skill invloved. You don't even need to talk. All you need to be able to convey is Yes or No. There are models that hold briefcases. Each case has a dollar amount. The goal is to eliminate the low amounts so that only the high amounts remain. After several eliminations, the contestant is given an option to get a guaranteed amount if they accept the "deal". By accepting, they waive the right to win potentially more money. But the risk is that if you reject the deal, you may eliminate the $1,000,000 briefcase. The higher the remaining amounts remain, the more you are offered. It's amazing to see people reject $100,000 + when statistics tell you that you are not likely to win the million.
Here is what happened today. Some hick that lives with his sister is offered something like $250,000. His "friends" tell him. "No deal". His sister, (who probably wants him the F--- out of there) begs him with her hands crossed under her chin, "Take the deal", she pleads. "No deal!" the hick responds to an erruption of applause. The next briefcase he eliminates is the $1,000,000. "That's ok", one friend tells him. "There is still the $5000,000.". He eliminates a couple of more and now he is offered like $120,000. His sister pleads with him again, This time she looks more desperate, "take the deal!" she urges him. He plunges his fat hand forward and tells Howie Mandel, "No deal". At this point, the sister covers her face with her hands. There are only 4 suitcases left. One has $500,000 the other 3 have less than $500. That's right he rejected $120,000 when there was only a 25% chance of chosing the $500,000. He has to eliminate one more case. You guessed right. He eliminates the $500,000. Bottom line: He ended up winning $10. He put on a front like he was a rebel and waved to the crowd doing the "heavy metal horn salute". I can just imagine the ride home; his sister telling him, "what the F--- were you thinking. Imagine the friend that was telling him to reject $200,000 + and later $100,000 +. But it happens all the time, contestants get offered really good money and they reject it when logic,math, and common sense dictates that you should take the money and run. I'll prob. see the show again and I will scream at the guy telling him to take the money and at the end of the show, I don't know what's a sadder sight- the contestant losing a chance at riches or my empty life getting so involved in the decisions of strangers.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


A research study by the University of Alabama hasf ound that men over 40 who take Viagra are twice as likely to report hearing loss. In a related study, wives of men taking Viagra have become experts in saying"not again" in sign language.

At the Obama state dinner honoring Mexico, Arturo Valenzuela, an assistant secretary of State, was turned away because he had forgotten to bring his I.D. In that instant, Obama was enlightened.

Scientist in Maryland and California were able to turn inanimate chemicals into a living organism. They are working on their next project: Turning water to wine.

In China , Ma Yaohai was sentenced to 3 1/2 years for being a member of a club that practiced group sex and partner swaping. Neighbors became suspicious when they kept hearing what appeared to be Bruce Lee fight scenes every night.

On Thursday the Senate passed a financial bill that would put tougher restrictions on Wall Street. This will change our free market system from "the invisible hand theory" to "let me see what's in your hand theory."

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Records show that President Obama's dog Bo is worth $1600. After taxes, it's worth about $400.

Conservative GOP Congressman and staunch advocate of "family values" David Souder is resigning after admiting to having an affair with his staffer. In his defense , procreation is a family value.

The U.S has reached an agreement with Britain, China, France,Russia and Germany to continue sanctions on Iran for vilolating the UN Nuclear treaty. Mohmoud Ahmadinejad denies enrinching uranium for millitary purposes. He also denies the holocoust happened and denies that he's short.

Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Spector was defeated by Rand Paul in the Pennsylvania Democratic Primary. After the results were known, Arlen Spector immediately switched to Geico where he saved 15%.

Rush Limbaugh is selling his 5th Avenue penthouse for $12.95 million, Pills not included.

South Korea's relations with North Korea is tense after a game of Battleship went too far. Said one South Korean official to Kim jong -il: "You sunk my battleship."

Monday, May 17, 2010

Ants won the battle. I won the war (sorry PETA)

For the past month, I have been at war with the ants. It turns out they like food. It also turns out that I leave my food out. The ants came with a vengeance and an insatiable appetite and they didn't just come by themsleves. NO they had to invite their friends, family, and co-workers. "Hey come over here, the guy leaves his food out. Free buffet," said the leader ant. I had to formulate a game plan. I tried 409 cleaning fluid. It killed some ants but the surviving ants just mocked me and walked away feeling cleaner than ever. I tried Windex, mainly because It was cheaper than an exterminator. I had the same result. Some died but others walked away having survived the battle. I needed help. I turned to the Chinese for the solution. I figured a billion people can't be wrong. I used the infamous Chinese "Miraculous Insecticide Chalk". It's also known as Chinese chalk. I used to see it around as a child and had heard how amazing the chalk works.So I had to go to Chinatown in Down Town Los Angeles. I didn't know that this chalk was banned here in the U.S.A because the shit is too powerful and the EPA is trying to protect us from its harmful effect (right). No, it turns out that some kids back in the day ate the chalk thinking it was candy and well you know, the lawyers got involved and instead of blaming the idiot parents, big brother said. This is bad. You can't use it. I went to several shops and I asked, "do you have the Chinese chalk?" The merchants were very cold to me. "No". At first I thought I may have a hygiene problem. Finally I was taken to a back section of a store where I was sold the Chinese Chalk. It wasn't until I left that I realized that the merchants may have thought I was a federal agent looking for sellers of the chalk.
The internet is filled with people swearing by how good it was. Still I was skeptical. I reach my apartment with a new sense of optimisim. I marked the common areas where the free loading ants march through. I marked sections of the trash can where they were. There were tons of ants and I noticed that as soon as they walked over the chalk, they acted drunk, fell, slipped and walked all crooked; kinda like you when you got that DUI. Then they slow down and they just accept their demise. Every single ant that brushed agains this chalk went down in agony. I stared at them with a wicked smile remembering their mocking ways and I watched as they withered away into the abyss. The ants fell. One by one. They fell like dominoes. They fell like contestants on Japanese shows. I hovered over them victorious. I did feel a little bit of sympathy watching some of the critters battle. But I did try to warn them that they were messing with the wrong species. Tonight, there are no ants only tiny corpses of ants that fell victim to my wrath and the Chinese Chalk. I win.


Tuesday,Regis Philibin is scheduled to have a blood clot removed from his leg. About time they fire Kelly Ripa.

The aging Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers will be on SNL for the 8th time. They will sing their new re-mixed single,"I'm free-falling and I can't get up."

YouTube is enjoying its 5 year anniversary with amazing success. It has 2 biilion daily downloads. The only other tube that loads more is the mile-long tube by BP.

A 24 year old Arab-American Rima Fakih was crowned 2010 Miss USA. She was awarded the crown by Donald Trump after getting clearance from Homeland Security.

CNN is reporting that Pro-Peace cleric Gul Rahman and the two men were killed Sunday evening in Afghanistan by 'those that are against peace and stability". CNN is also reporting that water is wet and eating is necessary.

A former Food Network chef, Juan Carlos Cruz, is being held on $5 million bail for plotting to hire hitmen to kill his wife. The plan called for her to be boiled in olive oil, diced with onions, and marinated with a pinch of garlic and lemon juice.

Friday, May 14, 2010


New York City police had to evacuate several blocks in lower Manhattan after finding a suspicious car parked with gas cans in the back. The suspicious part was that the driver was able to find a parking spot between 14th and 15th street.

At the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee’s (DCCC) fundraising dinner, President Obama said that"Republicans are like bad drivers, who once drove the car into a ditch and now want the keys back."He should have added that before hitting the ditch,they had a driver that rode on the wrong side of the track for 8 years.

Locals in New Orleans are complaining of an unsettling odor in the air. Many are suspecting that this may be related to the oil spill off the coast of Mexico. Either that or Kim Kardashian is nearby.

In England, Gordon Brown was been ousted bringing and end to an era. There were chants of "Brown is out" which coincidently is the same chant used by Jan Brewer in Arizona.

There are reports of a powerful bomb outside of a Greek prison. The explosion was so strong, it blew the lid off the Parthenon.

California caught up with the 21 year old man that found and sold the prototype 4G phone. It turns out, the roomate had reported him to police fearing they would trace the IP address to their home. Plus,"Brian never washes dishes and eats all my food."


Thursday, May 13, 2010

The official Funniest True Story EVER!

This is one of those stories that has to be re-told over and over and it never gets old. In fact, I was asked to repeat this story to a small crowd on a recent trip to a wave of laughter. This is how it was told to me. Here we go. There is a middle-aged woman who has a "retarded" kid. (PC people insert the more favorable term here if you like.) The kid is 19 and is over 6 feet and is described as pretty bulky. He has the mind of a child and can function on his own but still needs supervision. One day, the mother is at work and gets a frantic call from her son. "Mom you have to come over, there is a troll in the bathroom!". The mom tries to reassure her son that there is no "troll" and if there is, he will go away. About 10 minutes later, she received a more panicked call. "Mom you have to come over now there is a troll in the bathroom!!!". The mom has to explain to her boss that she has to leave because she has a kid with special needs that is flipping out. The mother leaves work and when she enters the house, she sees her son throwing candies under the bathroom door where the gap is. He keeps throwing candy under the table repeatedly. The mom opens the bathroom door and Holy Shit there is a midget sitting in the bathroom with a cell phone. It turns out the midget/little person was a census worker and when he approached the house, the kid thought he really was a troll and carried him and threw him in the bathroom. He wanted to "keep" the troll and was feeding the troll candy because we all know, trolls like candy. The tiny census worker admits that he wasn't harmed in the ordeal but still needed to fill out a police report to justify why he was late in returning back to work. I just imagine the story he had for co-workers. "Youre not going to believe what happened to me..."

5-12 10- and beyond (writer's block sorry :()

Somali pirates seized a Greek-owned ship on the Gulf of Aden. The pirates made out with $25 million worth of I.O.Us.

Japan's prime minister is under fire for the outfit he wore at a BBQ in Japan. It was a colorful 80's -style plad shirt. Opponents say this shows he is out of touch with the people. It didn't help that he was playing "Turning Japanese"on his tape recorder.

Wal-Mart is donation 1.1 billion pounds of food to food banks. The food is going to impoverished people around the world or as Wal-Mart calls it, an employee picnic.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


According to scientists, The Herschel telescope has spotted a vast hole in space. Upon closer inspection they confirmed it was located in the same spot where our tax dollars go.

The Sex and the City star Cynthia Nixon describes her female lover as a short man with boobs which coincidently is how Danny De Vito's wife describes him.

Tom Cruise is schedule to present an award at the MTV Movie Awards. He will announce the winner of the Best Gay Actor playing a straight role.

In Florida, a 4000 pound rhino escaped from its enclosure. This is the second time he has escaped and roamed free. Homeland Security said that the rhino was on a "do not leave alone list" but there was breakdown in communication with other agencies.

Playboy's next issue will include a centerfold in 3D . If you don't have glasses, you will have to settle for Double D.

At the Senate hearings held in Washington to find out who is responsible for the oil spill off the coast of Mexico, the executives of the three main companies pointed fingers at each other. There was so much finger pointing that at one point it looked like a Disco dance floor.

Anaheim is ghetto (There are no angels in here)

(actual pic of my slip and fall. Yes it was Starbucks)

One of the first questions that people ask me when they find out I live in Anaheim is, "do you go to Disneyland?". The answer is No because to visit the happiest place on earth will make you the poorest person on earth. They charge close to $100 to see a mouse. If I want to see mice, I just need to move the fridge really fast (kidding). Anaheim is in Orange County and many of the locals call it Anacrime or Anaslime. Here is why. First of all, Beach boulevard is filled with hookers and motels. The liquor stores are filled with surveillance and shady characters that linger and loiter. Once a black hooker walked in the store with her John and she was yelling, "don't act like you'se all innocent. You ain't innocent". The John gave a perverted smile. He was missing teeth. I'm guessing meth. Next, you have people of all races and creeds of weirdos. Anaheim also has tons of Arabs and Mexicans. On Brookhurst, you can get the best kabobs and tacos. It's not uncommon to see girls in full on Burkas walking the street. I feel safe since wearing a beard makes me look like one of them.

When I first moved here, about 9 months ago, I was confident that this place couldn't be worse than L.A county. The first weeks of moving in, I would fall asleep to the sweet sound of helicopters overhead. That sound was merged with the sound of sirens. Ah! sweet urban music to my ears. I had a Salvadorean couple behind me that would yell when they talked and at first , it was a challenge getting sleep. Plus once in a while, the husband's machismo would get threatened and he would yell at his wife for "disrespecting" him. There are also many homeless people that love leaving the market carts outside the apartment. This only adds to the decor. We used to have drug dealing neighbors but they were replaced by a Mexican family of a thousand. True story: The new neighbor put some grease on the floor to remove stains. Once, as I was walking through the common walk way, I slipped on the downward slope, banged my elbow on the floor, hit my knee and slipped back dropping my coffee on the floor. It was kind of like the cartoon where the dude slips on a bannana peel. On another occasion, my girlfriend found a piece of shit. A literal piece of shit on the floor that looked human. (don't ask). On another occasion, this drunk Mexican dude covered his mouth, turned around quickly and puked by the parking lot. Then there is the crack head neighbor. He's a 30+ Mexican dude that hangs out at the parking lot drinking beers with his buddies while blasting music. I'd see him and he'd wave but that was all. Once, he approached me all sketchy and I said, "what's up?" "Hey can I borrow two dollars," he asked me. I said sure. 2nd occasion: He approached me and asked me for $5. I said sure. He paid me back both times. The third time he asked, he was hanging out by the entrance with a kid on a Friday night. He had those sketchy eyes. I dashed to my apartment so he wouldn't ask me for money. I'm in and I hear a knock on my door! It was crackhead man. This time he was asking for $10. I said no. He asked for $5 and I said I was broke. Three strikes you're out.

Well yesterday I see a U-haul truck blocking my parking spot and It's an older black lady that is moving in to the neighborhood with her son that is graduating from college. "How is it around here?" she asked. "Cool" I respond. " "I heard the landlord is kinda, I don't know how is he?". I said, "he's ok. he just has a bad memory? "What do you mean he has a bad memory!?" I changed the subject. Today I see the nice, black lady and she tells me she's getting the hell out. "I don't feel safe here," she tells me. She then goes on that a guy was begging her for money and was told that people hop the fence all the time. "I'm getting the hell out and I'm going to go to war with the landlord for the deposit." "Good luck" I tell her. " "Oh it ain't about luck" "It aint about luck" she reaffirms. That sucks. She would've been a good neighbor.

Monday, May 10, 2010


A new study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women who took hormonal birth control had lower sexual arousal than women who did not. The same study was quick to point out to men that "headaches" is not a side effect of birth control.

Gas prices are like Oprah's weight loss. Even when low, you know it's just a matter of time before it baloons out of control.

Did you see Canadian, Steve Nash from the Phoenix Suns playing game 4 of the playoffs? He was bruised and bloody and played with stitches on his eye. Next time, he wont forget to bring his I.D.

The market dip that sent the Dow losing 1000 points is being blamed on a trader's "fat fingers" which makes sense considering you have fat cats running wall street.

Harry Potter actress Bonnie Wright is set to marry co-star Jamie Campbell Bower. Get ready for the sequel.: Harry Potter and the Deathly Alimony.

Tiger Woods had to withdraw from the Players Championship because of a neck strain. The PGA is thinking of renaming that tournament now that Tiger is out.

"Do you have a loving home for these puppies?"

I'm back from San Diego. The highlight of the trip was meeting this lady who was happy. She greeted everyone that entered the grocery store. "Do you have a loving home for these puppies?" she kept asking. The whole time she had a strange smile and look that said, "I've been through some crap." I didn't take her up on her offer. I bought water and a lottery ticket. I feigned interest in her puppies in order to take a picture of this strange lady. Her 15 minutes of fame begins now.

Friday, May 7, 2010

I actually made the front page of the NY Times Humor blog

This has happened numerous times but I just have to convince myself and you that this blog is worth checking out. Not convinced? Neither am I. Still seeking validation.

Brilliant Animation on Procrastination

To my 2-3 followers of this blog, I will take off this weekend and go to San Diego,CA. A friend of mine does photography and paints and there will be an art show at the coffee shop that she works at. She is a good friend that I have known since Jr. High (don't ask) and we have always kept in contact. I go to stay with her husband and her and they make me feel comfortable. I make them laugh and they feed and shelter me. I like going to SD because I do nothing. At home I do nothing as well but shit is more fast paced in L.A and Anacrime. When I'm in SD I chill and breathe clean air. I leave you with this clip.


UCSC researcher Richard Green has gathered DNA from Neanderthal fossils and believes he has evidence that Neanderthals and humans mated. His strongest evidence: Wal-Mart shoppers.

After undergoing a sex change operation, a judge in Santa Monica granted Chaz Bono's petition to be recognized legally as a man. He celebrated by leaving the toilet seat up.

On Thursday people from all over the United States gathered in honor of National Day of Prayer. The largest and most passionate group to attend were Oakland Raider fans.

BP executives are taking drastic steps to clean up the oil spill off the coast of Mexico. Friday BP engineers lowered a metal chamber containing the maxi-pad of Kirstie Alley.

On Thursday, the Dow Jones dropped almost 1000 points after "unusual trading activity" that is being blamed on human error. It appears that one trader was selling off and wrote in "billion" instead of" million" His boss told him that when he received a letter saying, you're "hired", he meant to press F and not H.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

5-5-10 (mural in E.L.A where I grew up)

Borrowing from Missouri, Arizona is changing its state slogan to:"The Show Me Papers State.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has accused Republicans of being too cozy with Wall Street saying they are "making love to Wall Street." At least Wall Street calls you the next day.

Justin Bieber is being ridiculed after not knowing what "German" was when asked in an
interview. Following this, his Jewish grandmother went to him and said, "sit down this is going to take a while."

A new treatment for depression involving electromagnetic stimulation of the forehead was approved by the FDA because it carries no side effects,well except for the occasional getting stuck to the refrigerator.

In Argentina the lower house of Congress approved a law that allows for same-sex marriage. I'm not going to cry for them.

The Washington D.C city council approved a measure that will allow doctors to recommend the use of medical marijuana. Doctors are in favor of it since it helps with nausea and vomiting. Given who we have running the country, the demand for it is high. (no pun intended).

Happy Cinco de Mayo

To everyone out there that frequents this site, I want to give you an old school "orale" for supporting the site. Enjoy this video. It shows people in their zoot suits. I think this video is appropriate given that Cinco De Mayo is really a Chicano holiday celebrated in America.

The world is like a ride at an amusement park

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Federal agents have arrested Faisal Shahzad in connection to the failed Times Square bomb case. New York City workers are concerned as they will now be short one taxi driver.

The bomb plot suspect,Faisal Shahzad was arrested in JFK airport after trying to board a flight to Dubai. Instead, he will take a long trip to Buh bye.

The oil spill off the coast of Mexico is causing the price of sea food to go up. The good news is that eating sea food from the affected region will protect you against viscosity breakdown.

CA Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has abruptly reversed his support for offshore drilling. He said it sounded like a good idea but given the latest spill, the risk does not outweigh the benefit. These words rang so true to Tiger Woods and Jesse James.

Mexicans in Arizona are getting ready to celebrate “Cinco de Mayo” by whacking piƱatas in the shape of Arizona Governor Jan Brewer.

Monday, May 3, 2010


Things got heated at the United Nation's Nuclear Conference between the U.S and Iran. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad accused the U.S of bullying non-nuclear countries. Hillary Clinton responded by stealing his lunch money.

Hugh Hefner recently revealed to his 24 year old girlfriend that he has made sex tapes for a long time. In fact , the first ones were silent films.

Wal-Mart has agreed to pay $27.6 million for dumping toxic waste in California. In a related story, Reggie Bush saved $27.6 million by dumping Kim Kardashian.

In an effort to appear transparent to the International community, Hillary Clinton revealed to the UN that we have 5113 nuclear heads. In the next meeting she will disclose the social security numbers of all white house staff and leave the door open at Fort Knox.

As a result of the weeked storm, Nashville Tennesee was reported to have muddy waters. This created confusion in the south as many thought the blues legend was still alive.

In West Hollywood, CA., a woman stabbed 4 people at a Target store at random with a butcher knife. Typical Hollywood- an agent contacted her to be a contestant on Top Chef.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

what my insomnia feels like

5-2-10 Weak end edition

At the White House Correspondents Dinner, President Obama told jokes that had the audience rolling with laughter.He mainly spoke about what his policies will accomplish.

Police in Times Square found a bomb inside an unattended car that was partially lit. Thanks to the quick action by police, they were able to avoid a serious bombing. The same can not be said of Jennifer Lopez's latest films.

Pope Benedict arrived Sunday in Italy to visit the Shroud of Turin. After that he is going to re-visit the shroud of secrecy.

Dream baby Dream. It's all you got you know

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Commerce Casino Los Angeles, CA (actual pic at the table)

Look at those beautiful chips in front of me! I love Commerce Casino.


The oil spill off the coast of Mexico is threatening the wildlife . So Lindsey Lohan and Amy Winehouse need to find a different spot.

More than 600,000 census workers are knocking door to door to get a population count for those who did not mail a response. This is creating a turf battle with Jehova Witnesses.

New pictures by NASA show a huge storm brewing on Saturn. It is so enormous it can be seen from Earth. It's almost as big as the one happening in Arizona.

Rep. Ted Poe (R-Texas) while speaking on floor of the U.S House of Representatives on Thursday compared "illegal aliens" to grasshopers. That's a bad comparison. One is considered an animal that needs to be exterminated, the other is an insect.

Tiger Woods has teamed up with KC and the Sunshine Band to re-make a 70's classic: I'm your Bogey Man.

A study by the Henry Ford Hospital suggests that the sharp turns and ups and downs of roller coaster rides can cause ear injury. This may explain why your stock broker doesn't hear a word you tell him.