Monday, February 14, 2011

Jokes to start your Valentine's day! 2-14-11

Lady Gaga arrived to the Grammy Awards in Los Angeles in a giant egg. She's a yoke.

Elizabeth Taylor is expected to remain in a Los Angeles hospital while she gets treated for congestive heart failure. Unlike Dick Cheney, doctors can actually improve her heart.

Angelina Jolie is squashing rumors that she was planning to adopt a child from Haiti. Angelina was quoted as saying: "Don't Haiti the player, Haiti the game."

Shooting a final round of 75 at the Dubai Desert Classic, Tiger Woods again came up short. "Not true at all", said his mistress Joslyn James.

The CEO of a Western Grocery Store chain resigned after being busted by a child prostitution ring. He knew he was caught when Chris Hansen asked him to take seat.

Now that the Egyptian Revolution has taken place, the world is asking who, besides the Most Interesting Man in the World, is going to rule Egypt?

Health officials are investigating reports of a respiratory illness that was spread at a Playboy Mansion fundraiser. My guess is that more than illness spreads at the Playboy Mansion.


  1. Lady Gaga? Oh. His egg was big. Oh wait...

  2. In her new tell-all book, pornstar Joslyn James says she first hooked up with Tiger Woods when he asked her if she wanted to play around. She thought he meant golf.

    Tiger's former mistress disputes claims that his favorite club is a 9 iron, describing it as more like a 3 wood.

    In an interview Josyln James claims that the golf champ twice got her pregnant. He put a tiger in her tank.

  3. Great stuff dude! I'm making another run at some monologue jokes again tomorrow.

  4. So, Lady Gaga finally admitted that she's not from this planet, huh? Shit, still love her crazy ass!

    Happy Valentine's Day fucker! Got love for homie!

  5. Tiger one is primed and ready for Conan!!!

  6. You are SO EXCELLENT at this! You make it look easy, when it's not. Well done as usual.

  7. Ahhh thanx Pamo it means alot coming from a great artist.

  8. Tiger needs to go back to laying Waffle House employees to get his game back.

  9. Ha! The Haiti one was "eesh", but I thought the other ones were funny! :)

  10. Gaga and Angelina was funny.

    I mean what's so bad about adopting USA kids?

    The Adorkable Ditz' Missteps