Friday, February 18, 2011

Flashback Friday - The time I decided to amuse myself at the expense of students

Years ago I was teaching ESL (English as a Second Language) to mainly Asian Students. I had students from Japan, China, Thailand, Russia, and Pakistan. The students ranged in ages from highschool to coma.

For the most part, the students were well behaved and actually took my class seriously. (Suckers). I tried to make it fun by doing interactive exercises like having students converse in a a mock social setting.

"Hi my name is Ling. Do you come here often..." You get the idea.

One day I had a genius idea! What if I bring my fart machine to class and not tell my students? My fart machine has given me so many fond memories. The nice thing about the fart machine is that it's remote controlled and it can be activated at a distance. There was the time my friend Anna walked into a book store and I randomly pressed the button to the horror of customers.

There was the time I put the fart machine inside a couch and perfectly timed the fart to be activated anytime my friend Christine would sit down.

"I swear I didn't fart!" she kept pleading. It was one of the funniest moments of my life.

Back to the story. I decided to place the fart machine randomly under a chair and which ever student sat there, well they had it coming. I arrived early to accomplish this. I held the remote in my hand and the idea was to give a lecture and simultaneously release the fart noise.

The girl that sat under the fart machine was a lady from Pakistan who wore a full on Hijab that covered her whole body minus her face. Needless to say, she was very conservative and serious.

I'm doing a lesson on who knows what when I decide to press the button.
BRRRRF! BRRRRRF! The sound was angelic. It sounded like a real fart and the nice thing about this is that the next fart noise is slightly different like real farts.
I press it again Rrrrrrrrif! brrrrrrnk! She squirms in her seat and it was very ackward. No one says anything for fear of offending the gas blaster.

I press it one last time. Bweeeeef! Then I lose my shit. I start cracking up. "I brought my fart machine! It's here! I then walk over and show everyone what a fart machine was. There was maily silence and stares of bewilderment.

That day they learned that fart machines sound like real farts. They should have been learning the difference between present tenses and past tenses.

Class dismissed.


  1. That's really all they needed to know about America. We're just a bunch of ass clowns. :-)

  2. You remind me of my old Algebra teacher, Sister Mary. No, you don't look like her, but she was the gasiest person on the face of the earth back then! We thought about wearing masks at one point!

  3. I too have a fart machine...oh the fun I've had with it!! :D

  4. Very good lesson, Professor Israel.

  5. Ugh in elementary school kids would ridicule me whenever I farted. I was a horribly gassy girl. Never encountered a fart machine in real life though.

    The Adorkable Ditz' Missteps