8-9-10 now hear this

Van Halen is planning to record their first album in 12 years. They will do a re-mixed single of “jump” but will be re-named “hop”.

President Obama teamed up with several NBA superstars including Magic Johnson for a charity event that benefits wounded veterans. The real magic was done by Obama who made his approval rating disappear overnight.

Zsa Zsa Gabor is leaving the hospital and heading home after getting a "hip replacement." Now she's ready to appear on MTV and be cool.

Mark Hurd, the now ex-CEO of HP has resigned amid allegations of sexual harrasment by an ex HP contractor Jodie Fisher, an ex soft corn porn actress. This is a case of determining intent. namely what "her ass meant?"

A man has been freed after being in jail since 2007 for a fatal, Toyota crash after the court reversed the decision based on the evidence of faulty Toyota brakes. His first words as a free man: “Oh what a feeling!”.