# 1 - " I Saw it with my own eyes " - As opposed to what? - Using somebody else's. "Hello mad scientist, mind if I borrow you eyes to peek through this telescope?
#2 - "Me, Personally" - God I really hate this one. Implied in "Me" is that it reflects the essence of you. So unless you have multiple personalities like Sybil, it is not necessary to let me know that what you are expressing represents you and not another entity.
#3 - "Literally" - I don't have qualms against the word itself. I have issue with people using it wrong. I was watching a ghost documentary and they are interviewing a lady who claims to have seen a ghost. She busted out with this gem: " I was literally scared to death!". Holy shit this is the ultimate ghost show as they are interviewing a dead woman who appears healthy, well for a dead person.
#4- "Society" - The word on it's own is ok. Where I get turned off is when pseudo intellectuals use it in a debate to point out some injustice. Now if you are smart and your point is well expressed, you have a pass to use society as many times as you like. But, if you read one book on Emile Durkheim and you have the solution to class warfare, I'm going to pop you in the eye. When a fool begins a sentence with "society wants you to... I'm day dreaming about eating chicken Kebab.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
7-29-10
Anne Rice has announced that she is leaving Christianity. She said that she was conflicted when she realized that her stories were more believable than the Bible.
Britney Spears announced via Twitter that she has a new fragrance named "Radiance". It smells like regret.
After one year as an American Idol judge, Ellen DeGeneres is calling it quits. The show will still have a gay woman on the show - Randy jackson.
Mark Wahlberg received a star at the Walk of Fame in Hollywood. It was very emotional. During the ceremony his voiced cracked several times. The tight Calvin Klein underwear will do that to you.
Wedding experts say that Chelsea Clinton's wedding will reach $3 million dollars. $2 million of that will be spent on security, keeping Obama out.
Britney Spears announced via Twitter that she has a new fragrance named "Radiance". It smells like regret.
After one year as an American Idol judge, Ellen DeGeneres is calling it quits. The show will still have a gay woman on the show - Randy jackson.
Mark Wahlberg received a star at the Walk of Fame in Hollywood. It was very emotional. During the ceremony his voiced cracked several times. The tight Calvin Klein underwear will do that to you.
Wedding experts say that Chelsea Clinton's wedding will reach $3 million dollars. $2 million of that will be spent on security, keeping Obama out.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Hollyweird - Then and now
Last night I went to Hollywood because my sister wanted me to act as a tour guide for a family member that was visiting from Colorado. Naturally, she wanted to see Hollywood. I hardly ever go there because it's so filled with people. Before, Hollywood was a shithole. It was filled with runaways and punk rockers that would sleep on the street and panhandle. Back then, Hollywood was grimy and dirty and, well, a shithole. But there was an honesty to the place.I remember that right smack in the middle of Hollywood Boulevard there was a "record" store that had nothing but punk rock music. The people inside wore black and had spikes and mohawks that reached into the sky. The streets were filled with junkies and strange people that talked to themselves. Sunset Boulevard had hookers and pimps could be seen on every street corner. I would imagine that tourists coming to Hollywood back then would say, "Where are the stars?". Down on the floor. Charles Bukowski did a video where he cruises down Hollywood and he describes certain bars where he got kicked out of or where he would score drugs. That what then and tourists came to Hollywood but they did not stay in Hollywood. Businesses were also local mom and pop shops for the most part. Business was also slow. Today Hollywood is THE place to be. It is the Disneyland for the socialites and socialite wanna-bees ala Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, and Kim Kardashian. There are clubs that are filled to capacity. People wait for hours waiting to be seen in the hippest clubs. People look flawless and personality is optional but not a necessity. Today business is good in Hollywood. There are lots of lights and lots of people and there is action. It's Las Vegas minus the gambling. The businesses have Hollywood stars painted on them after receiving a grant from the city. This place looks like a tourist city should. People snap photographs on every corner. Celebrities can be seen fequently. Business is good although I do miss that punk rock store. It went in the direction of the vinyl record. Below is a small clip of Hollywood today. Enjoy.
7-28-10
BP has fired Tony Hayward after the P.R fallout concerning the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. But, don't feel bad for him. Sources say he is in talks to be the C.E.O of Wikileak.
A Federal judge has blocked key provisions of the infamous Arizona anti-immigrant law, SB 1070, from being implemented. For Jan Brewer instead of deporting a dirty Sanchez, she received one.
On ABC's The View, President Obama said that he was not invited to Chelsea Clinton's wedding. Not to worry, Tareq and Michaele Salahi promised to email him pictures of the wedding.
A bear attack in Montana left one person dead. Wildlife & Parks is trying to determine what type of bear is responsible. So far they have only been able to eliminate "gummy".
The world's oldest "twitter" has died at 104 years old. Her last message: What is that figure with a long cloak and scythe?
A Federal judge has blocked key provisions of the infamous Arizona anti-immigrant law, SB 1070, from being implemented. For Jan Brewer instead of deporting a dirty Sanchez, she received one.
On ABC's The View, President Obama said that he was not invited to Chelsea Clinton's wedding. Not to worry, Tareq and Michaele Salahi promised to email him pictures of the wedding.
A bear attack in Montana left one person dead. Wildlife & Parks is trying to determine what type of bear is responsible. So far they have only been able to eliminate "gummy".
The world's oldest "twitter" has died at 104 years old. Her last message: What is that figure with a long cloak and scythe?
Monday, July 26, 2010
# 1 Pet Peeve of mine- Loud Customers
I should apologize to my readers in advance for the liberal use of pictures and videos on my blog. I recently bought a camera and I carry it with me at all times to see if I capture anything of substance. I had it today and I went to my favorite Arab restaurant and there were these two loud guys that I had to capture on video. I was on the phone trying to have a conversation but their loudness made that an impossible task. I'm cursed with the inability to block out background noises so eating at a restaurant is always and interesting experience because I get to hear gossip and small talk to my demise. I may just videotape all the loudmouths that I encounter and post it here, What do you say?
7-26-10
Rare photos of Amelia Earhart will be on display in Hawaii unless they mysteriously disappear without a trace.
Lady Gaga has signed a group of French Benedictine nuns to her record label. I can't wait for their tour: Sisterhood of the travelling pants.
The city of San Francisco is being sued by CTIA representing cellular companies because they are being asked to label the radiation level that cell phones produce. I have news for you, every phone in San Francisco is flaming.
Pirates of the Carribean 4 has been announced. This film will be the most action packed and scary. In this one, Jack Sparrow collects millions in randsome for the release of passengers and cargo in Somalia.
Oprah Winfrey has offered Sarah Ferguson her own talk show on Oprah's network. It will be a show about weddings called "Here comes the bribe."
Lady Gaga has signed a group of French Benedictine nuns to her record label. I can't wait for their tour: Sisterhood of the travelling pants.
The city of San Francisco is being sued by CTIA representing cellular companies because they are being asked to label the radiation level that cell phones produce. I have news for you, every phone in San Francisco is flaming.
Pirates of the Carribean 4 has been announced. This film will be the most action packed and scary. In this one, Jack Sparrow collects millions in randsome for the release of passengers and cargo in Somalia.
Oprah Winfrey has offered Sarah Ferguson her own talk show on Oprah's network. It will be a show about weddings called "Here comes the bribe."
America's Pastime. For me ,maybe the last time
Sometimes the myth is greater than the reality. Sometimes nostalgia blurs the reality of a situation. This is the case with watching a baseball game. People will say that baseball games are as American as apple pie and "fun" but I beg to differ. This Saturday several of us went to Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles, CA. The idea seemed fun. There is sun, free tickets, and good seats. Now the reality. First of all, they charge an arm and a leg for food and beer. Everyone brags about those famous "Dodger Dogs" which are expensive hot dogs. The hot dog frank was skinny as hell. I was going to use it to floss my teeth! I'm serious. Then, the beer was wattered down and expensive. OK now it's time to find the seats. We get lost and when we find the seats, I realize the seats are tiny. Either that or my ass is huge. Also, you sit shoulder to shoulder with others. It was hot and my head and back was burning. I'm sweating like a hooker in church. Let's talk about the game. Watching a game is like watching paint dry. It is boring. No one is hitting and it takes like 20 minutes for an inning to end. They play silly videos of people falling and kids dancing and the simpletons watch in awe. The game was tied 2-2 in the 10th inning when we got the hell out like typical L.A fans. We go to my friend's house to watch the Dodgers win in the 12 inning when someone hit a home run. Next time I want to get that baseball experience, I will just sit in a small chair under the blazing sun and watch the ants on the floor. It will just as fun and I will save money in the process.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
7-25-10
On Monday BP's board of directs will meet to discuss the possible departure of their chief executive,Tony Hayward. If he does leave, this will be the first act by BP that does something to clean their mess.
President Obama is teaching his two daughters responsibility by giving them babysitting jobs to earn an allowance. So far Sarah Palin has been well behaved.
Friday the White House predicted that the budget deficit will reach $1.47 trillion dollars. To pay back that debt, Obama is forced to get money at those check cashing places.
Storm Bonnie has weakend in Florida as it heads into the Gulf of Mexico. Meteorologists say this storm would've been more violent had it combined with Storm Clyde.
President Obama is teaching his two daughters responsibility by giving them babysitting jobs to earn an allowance. So far Sarah Palin has been well behaved.
Friday the White House predicted that the budget deficit will reach $1.47 trillion dollars. To pay back that debt, Obama is forced to get money at those check cashing places.
Storm Bonnie has weakend in Florida as it heads into the Gulf of Mexico. Meteorologists say this storm would've been more violent had it combined with Storm Clyde.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
I love supplements! Paranoia or Health?
I'm a huge believer in supplements. I have experienced and have known too many people which have had adverse "side effects" after taking medication - even after getting that FDA stamp of aproval. Here is my story. I have mental problems but I read a book from a doctor that showed me a natural alternative to medication. Pictured here are some of my daily supplements. Not all are taken for my craziness. I take fish oil, GABA, DMAE, and 5htp to keep me balanced. I have an attorney friend of mine that has bad anxiety and has improved after taking 5-HTP. The fish oil is supposed to help with concentration and with the cardiovascular system. I take that purple supplement because it has creatine which helps with maintaining muscles. I take that bone supplement because I'm convinced that I'm slowly decomposing and my bones are becoming brittle (read snap,crackle,pop a previous post I wrote on getting older). I began taking Chromium because my foot began to get a tingling sensation and I assume the worse that I have poor circulation and will get my foot chopped off so before that happens, I take this supplement. I take vitamins because my diet usually sucks and this is supposed to make up for the tacos and pizza that I love so much. I sometimes have insomnia so when that happens I usually drink red wine or take magnesium with zinc because this helps me catch zzzzs. Melatonin also works but this makes me sleepy the next day. Everyday I take raw bee pollen because It supposed to be the "perfect food" with many of the amino acids that are essential. I recently began to take raw garlic each night. It contains anti-oxidants and helps with the circulation of my blood. Also, vampires leave me alone now.
7-22-10
Wednesday, the Dow Jones dropped 109 points, or 1.1% after Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke told Congress that the outlook for the economy is "unusually uncertain." The only other person whose words caused things to drop that fast was Bill Clinton.
Citing recent complaints of pictures not looking authentic enough,Adobe is dropping B.P photoshop 7.2.
After firing USDA official Shirley Sherrod for making racist comments about a white farmer, the USDA has apologized to her and even offered her a job. At this rate, Mel Gibson should become a pope any second now.
The "99 Cents Only" stores are being sued for unfair and deceptive practices after raising the price of their goods to 99.99 cents. How much integrity do the lawyers have bringing this suit? About 00.01.
After a tough 18 month battle, President Obama has signed the historical,Financial Reform Law with his $800 pen.
Citing recent complaints of pictures not looking authentic enough,Adobe is dropping B.P photoshop 7.2.
After firing USDA official Shirley Sherrod for making racist comments about a white farmer, the USDA has apologized to her and even offered her a job. At this rate, Mel Gibson should become a pope any second now.
The "99 Cents Only" stores are being sued for unfair and deceptive practices after raising the price of their goods to 99.99 cents. How much integrity do the lawyers have bringing this suit? About 00.01.
After a tough 18 month battle, President Obama has signed the historical,Financial Reform Law with his $800 pen.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
What famous author do you write like? Take the test
This is a cool site that analyses your writing style and tells you what author you resemble. It's fun and it's free: http://iwl.me/
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
7-20-10
Taylor Swift announced that her new album "Speak Now" will be released October 25th but not before Kanye West announced that his album, "I speak first" will drop on the 24th.
Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown is slamming comedian Kathy Griffin for making a crude joke about his two daughters, calling them prostitutes. He came to their defense; like a good pimp should.
Justin Bieber's "Baby" is the most watched video in Youtube's history with 246,000,000+ views. After hearing it, I'm a firm believer in abortion.
A Mexican man was caught trying to smuggle 18 monkeys hidden under his clothes. Airport security were alerted to him when he began to gradually look more and more Arab.
Another video showing the former USDA official and recently fired Shirley Sherrod has surfaced. In it she can be heard singing to children: “there was a white farmer who had a white dog and Bingo was his name-o”
Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown is slamming comedian Kathy Griffin for making a crude joke about his two daughters, calling them prostitutes. He came to their defense; like a good pimp should.
Justin Bieber's "Baby" is the most watched video in Youtube's history with 246,000,000+ views. After hearing it, I'm a firm believer in abortion.
A Mexican man was caught trying to smuggle 18 monkeys hidden under his clothes. Airport security were alerted to him when he began to gradually look more and more Arab.
Another video showing the former USDA official and recently fired Shirley Sherrod has surfaced. In it she can be heard singing to children: “there was a white farmer who had a white dog and Bingo was his name-o”
Monday, July 19, 2010
7-19-10
Pop Singer "Pink" was injured after she fell on stage in Germany. She plans on returning soon under her new stage name: Pink Black and Blue.
93 Year old, Zsa Zsa Gabor is recovering from surgery after getting her hip replaced. She was grateful to have received one from the Natural History Museum.
The clothing store, Forever 21 is under fire by conservative parents for creating a maternity collection that targets pregnant teens. Especially offensive is their "This mother wants another" t-shirts.
The cast of Jersey Shore will return to MTV after holding out and demanding a pay raise. MTV finally caved in to their demands and agreed to pay them in sun tan lotion.
In response to a small leak in the well, BP announced this it was moving forward with "static kill". Hopefully it will be as effective as their previous operation, "Kill Fisherman jobs."
93 Year old, Zsa Zsa Gabor is recovering from surgery after getting her hip replaced. She was grateful to have received one from the Natural History Museum.
The clothing store, Forever 21 is under fire by conservative parents for creating a maternity collection that targets pregnant teens. Especially offensive is their "This mother wants another" t-shirts.
The cast of Jersey Shore will return to MTV after holding out and demanding a pay raise. MTV finally caved in to their demands and agreed to pay them in sun tan lotion.
In response to a small leak in the well, BP announced this it was moving forward with "static kill". Hopefully it will be as effective as their previous operation, "Kill Fisherman jobs."
Sunday, July 18, 2010
King of the Hill pt 2 - The Revenge
As many of you know, I tried to conquer the hill in one stride last week and fell short. I got near the top and my legs and heart gave out.I vowed to conquer the hill and I got good support from #167 dad who put the added pressure of telling me that he and his son watched the video and were pulling for me to do it. In preparation this time around,I did 3 things. #1: I did some jump rope and pushed my body to feel more pain so when I experienced pain during the climb, I would be more used to it. #2: I played tennis in this extreme heat. I almost got heat exhaustion but I was preparing my heart to get used to extreme stress. #3: I ate tacos and got a hangover on saturday. In a drunken state, I was talked into rapping at a Karaoke bar. I did Nuthin' But A "G" Thang from Dr.Dre. I performed it badly. Before watching the video, please press on this link to provide the music background for the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhr5UBZh1rY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhr5UBZh1rY
Friday, July 16, 2010
7-16-10
An Iowa Tea Party group has removed a billboard that likened Obama to Hitler and Lenin. They got their money back in rubles.
The Senate has passed President Obama's Financial Overhaul Plan. As a result of this, JP Morgan Chase will be re-named JP Morgan Caught.
BP was finally able to cap and put an end to the leaky mess. For President Obama,the real chalenge is in finding a cap that does the same for Joe Biden.
In China there were multiple reports of UFOs in the sky, causing the Xiaoshan Airport to close down. You see, in China when they see suspected alien aircraft, they freak out. In America, suspecting someone is an illegal alien warrants the same response.
Melissa Gilbert performed in the Little House on the Prairie musical with a broken back! Between the musical and the movie, I don't know which broke back is more difficult to watch.
The Senate has passed President Obama's Financial Overhaul Plan. As a result of this, JP Morgan Chase will be re-named JP Morgan Caught.
BP was finally able to cap and put an end to the leaky mess. For President Obama,the real chalenge is in finding a cap that does the same for Joe Biden.
In China there were multiple reports of UFOs in the sky, causing the Xiaoshan Airport to close down. You see, in China when they see suspected alien aircraft, they freak out. In America, suspecting someone is an illegal alien warrants the same response.
Melissa Gilbert performed in the Little House on the Prairie musical with a broken back! Between the musical and the movie, I don't know which broke back is more difficult to watch.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
7-13-10
Hugh Heffner is planning to sell Playboy after reporting a $51.3 million loss in 2009. For the first time in its history, Hugh Heffner is the one losing his shirt.
BP is funding free concerts on the Alabama coast. Jimmy Buffet was the first artist to play for gushapalooza.
A giant sinkhole in Tampa,Florida has swallowed a car and continues to grow. A geologist explained that the earth can not withstand the type power generated by Lebron's ego.
A Canadian man, Henry Anekwu has been sentenced to 9 years in jail for fleecing U.S seniors out of $600,000 in a lottery scam. Pat Robertson called him an amateur.
After 166 years, The YMCA will change its name and will simple be called "The Y". Thank God, this will simplify the dance.
BP is funding free concerts on the Alabama coast. Jimmy Buffet was the first artist to play for gushapalooza.
A giant sinkhole in Tampa,Florida has swallowed a car and continues to grow. A geologist explained that the earth can not withstand the type power generated by Lebron's ego.
A Canadian man, Henry Anekwu has been sentenced to 9 years in jail for fleecing U.S seniors out of $600,000 in a lottery scam. Pat Robertson called him an amateur.
After 166 years, The YMCA will change its name and will simple be called "The Y". Thank God, this will simplify the dance.
Monday, July 12, 2010
7-12-10
Bahama Police have arrested Harris-Moore,also known as the "barefoot bandit". He got caught while trying to dine inside a restaurant that had an explicit sign warning him that he would not get service.
The biggest basketball story is that Lebron James is joining Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade in Miami. You know the saying: if you can't take the heat, join them.
A university of Texas at Austin is considering renaming one its dorm because it was named after a prominent member of the Ku Klux Klan. They're also thinking about eliminating the Jim Crow tailgating parties.
BP's new strategy to stem the oil leak is to exchange and replace the gushing oil well with a new cap. Or as the Obama administration calls it, cap and trade.
This Thursday people everywhere got to watch "Despicable Me" starring Lebron James.
Mel Gibson is at it again. First he went on an anti-semitic rant, then he used the N word, now there are resports that he referred to Hispanics as wetbacks. You know what that makes him right? A prime candidate to work for Fox News.
The biggest basketball story is that Lebron James is joining Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade in Miami. You know the saying: if you can't take the heat, join them.
A university of Texas at Austin is considering renaming one its dorm because it was named after a prominent member of the Ku Klux Klan. They're also thinking about eliminating the Jim Crow tailgating parties.
BP's new strategy to stem the oil leak is to exchange and replace the gushing oil well with a new cap. Or as the Obama administration calls it, cap and trade.
This Thursday people everywhere got to watch "Despicable Me" starring Lebron James.
Mel Gibson is at it again. First he went on an anti-semitic rant, then he used the N word, now there are resports that he referred to Hispanics as wetbacks. You know what that makes him right? A prime candidate to work for Fox News.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Trying to be king of the hill
I recently started hiking at Peter's Canyon in the City of Orange. There is a steep hill that I'm set on conquering without stopping, but it is tough. I tried, boy did I try but had to walk the latter part. My heart was pounding and my legs felt dead. I promise you, I will be able to climb it in one stride. As I was starting the jog, I ran into a couple that became invested in my challenge and they acted as cheerleaders. They can be heard on the video giving me support. My girlfriend videotaped this and once again, I dissapointed her. What else is new. But I did reach the top right?
Thursday, July 8, 2010
7-8-10
What's the difference between a vuvzela and the leader of Venezuela? One is a tool that makes loud, obnoxious noise. The other is a horn used by fans at sporting events.
A judge in Boston has ruled that the federal gay marriage ban is unconstitutional because it restricts a state's right to define marriage.He made the ruling official by slamming down his rainbow-colored gavel.
A scientist told Wired UK his theory that"dirty hands" is the cause of the iPhone 4 antenna problems. This explains why Al Gore's phone won't even turn on.
A U.S jury ruled that Disney will have to pay the British company that created "Who wants to be a millionaire?" $270 million dollars. The good news for Disney is they still have two life lines.
..... (same joke with an alternate punchline to follow)
A U.S jury ruled that Disney will have to pay the British company that created "Who wants to be a millionaire" $270 million dollars and yes that is the final answer.
Ex Beatles Drummer, Ringo Starr celebrated his 70th birthday at New York's Radio City Music Hall Wednesday night. It was very emotional to hear him sing," I get by with a little help from my friends" to his gerontologists.
The U.S 9th Citcuit Court of Appeals has OKd the ban of groups like the Hare Krishnas from Panhandling at LAX. The panhandling will instead be outsourced to India.
A judge in Boston has ruled that the federal gay marriage ban is unconstitutional because it restricts a state's right to define marriage.He made the ruling official by slamming down his rainbow-colored gavel.
A scientist told Wired UK his theory that"dirty hands" is the cause of the iPhone 4 antenna problems. This explains why Al Gore's phone won't even turn on.
A U.S jury ruled that Disney will have to pay the British company that created "Who wants to be a millionaire?" $270 million dollars. The good news for Disney is they still have two life lines.
..... (same joke with an alternate punchline to follow)
A U.S jury ruled that Disney will have to pay the British company that created "Who wants to be a millionaire" $270 million dollars and yes that is the final answer.
Ex Beatles Drummer, Ringo Starr celebrated his 70th birthday at New York's Radio City Music Hall Wednesday night. It was very emotional to hear him sing," I get by with a little help from my friends" to his gerontologists.
The U.S 9th Citcuit Court of Appeals has OKd the ban of groups like the Hare Krishnas from Panhandling at LAX. The panhandling will instead be outsourced to India.
Hey Andy did you hear about this one?
The genius of Andy Kaufman lies in this: He has the ability to make you laugh without knowing why you are laughing. Long before you had Sasha Cohen "staying in character" to play Borat, there was Andy Kaufman. Before Joaquin-Phoenix shocked the world by flipping out and transforming his persona, there was the original prankster, Andy Kaufman. Like Sushi, Andy's act is an acquired test and there are countless of people who will question what is so funny about performing seemingly mundane tasks on stage? I believe that if you don't "get" him, maybe you aren't supposed to. That's part of the mystique. In a very real way, Kaufman revolutionized what a comedian was. In fact, he didn't call himself a comedian. he preferred to call himself an entertainer. The act consisted of getting a reaction from a crowd. Sometimes that included laughter. Other times it included pissing the audience off. At times, the act was the satisfaction of knowing that the audience was getting "punked" to the delight of Andy. Rather than sticking to set formulas about what a comedian was supposed to do, he paved his own road with the imagination and simplicity of a child. He believed that the most true act of laughter is the one that comes out of nowhere and gets the unsuspecting victim off guard. He was able to find humor in every day things and juxtopose that in a performance. Today's modern comedian fits in that mold. His/Her act is more free flowing and less constrained than comedians of past generations. Just like Einstein ideas shook how we view the world of physics, Andy Kaufman pushed the envelope on what "funny" looks like. In trying to quantify a theme to describe his humor, Ill say it is this: Anticipation and Release. The humor lies in the anticipation of what will happen next. Not knowing, the audience takes the ride with him and where it takes them, only he knows. The other element is silence. Silence when used correctly conveys more than words. The last element that he uses is discongruity. That is using two or more unrelated things and using them in ways that don't make sense. Similar to what Salvador Dali did with regular things in paintings, Kaufman did with words and action. Here is a clip. Enjoy.Wednesday, July 7, 2010
7-7-10
A judge has sentenced Lindsey Lohan to 90 days in jail for violating the terms of her probation. She will still be surrounded by bars, inside her cell.
Iranian officials are cracking down on "decadent" haircuts for men. The banned hair cuts will be put on a manual aptly named "The Blagojevich"
Prince has declared that the internet is dead. He plans on announcing the release of his cassette tape via telegram.
New York City got hit with a heat wave as temperatures reached 103 degrees Fahrenheit. The only thing hotter in New York is Amare Stoudemire's contract.
Holland edged Uruguay 3-2 to move to the World Cup finals. This was their 23 victory in a row! Their secret? Wooden shoes.
Iranian officials are cracking down on "decadent" haircuts for men. The banned hair cuts will be put on a manual aptly named "The Blagojevich"
Prince has declared that the internet is dead. He plans on announcing the release of his cassette tape via telegram.
New York City got hit with a heat wave as temperatures reached 103 degrees Fahrenheit. The only thing hotter in New York is Amare Stoudemire's contract.
Holland edged Uruguay 3-2 to move to the World Cup finals. This was their 23 victory in a row! Their secret? Wooden shoes.
Monday, July 5, 2010
9 Mexican Wive's Tales
This weekend I visited my family in L.A and was bombarded with explosions, smoke, and the stench of sulfur. I stayed inside. While inside my mother's home, we began discussing some of the beliefs held by many in the Mexican community. Now here is the thing, I grew up in a pretty traditional Mexican household but my mom is a teacher so we shunned anything that ran counter to science and common sense. However, I still amazed how many friends,family members, and other aquintances still believe some of the superstitions in contemporary America. My sister and girfriend are in the public health field so many of their clients are expecting mothers. They related to me some of the beliefs and I just started cracking up. I though it was funny. My sister warned me to not publish them as it may show that I am not "sensitive" to cultural differences. This is my stance. Sometimes silly beliefs are just that- harmless and insignificant. Othertimes, beliefs can have adverse reaction if acted upon, especially when a more sound, scientific alternative is available. Plus, it's healthy to call bullshit bullshit. If the emperor has no clothes, he has no clothes. I hope you find these tales as entertaining as me.#1- During pregnancy and if there is an eclipse, the expecting mother needs to wear something metallic on her person or the baby may be born with a cleft lip.
#2 if a pregnant mother gets heartburn often, the baby will be born hairy.
#3- Strings or bracelets are worn to avoid getting "ojo" (evil eye).
#4- There is a belief that there is a condition known as "empacho" that occurs when food gets stuck inside an intestine. A "sobadora" (masseuse) must then rub it out. (see illustration above) or
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imQ98xdwddg
#5 "Mollera Caida" is a folk illness that is the term for a sunken fontanelle on a baby's skull. They will insert a thumb inside the roof of the mouth so as to "pop" the head into place. I'm told that it is more likelly caused by dehydration.
#6 After pregnancy a mother will engage in a "Cuarentena" where she will not leave the house for 40 days to help her recover. She is to avoid exposure to air because this may get her baby sick and may even dry out her breast milk. Some will also avoid bathing as water can make you sick during this period.
#7 If you have an earache, you are to place a newspaper funnel to your ear and the news paper is lit on the other end. The smoke is supposed to clear out the infection.
#8- If a pregnant mother has a visitor and the visitor "sees" the baby, she must touch the baby as it may be possible to give the baby "ojo" (evil eye) even unintentionally.
#9- If a babies hair is complemented, the complimenting party must touch the babie's hair for the logic described in #8.
7-5-10
BP claims that it has spent $3.12 billion dollars so far to deal with the Gulf Oil Spill. I don't know how accurate that figure is because since the beginning, their claims have had big holes in them.
A Chinese Court has sentenced an American Geologist to 8 years after finding him guilty of collecting state secrets. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place.
A man in New York lost his arm as he was lighting fireworks. This was unusual. Normally, people in New York lose and arm paying the cab driver.
Lady Gaga has beaten President Obama for the Facebook record with more than 10 million people following her. To attract younger fans, he has a new nickname: Gentleman Bama.
Ex- hot dog eating champ, Takeru Kobayashi was arrested in Coney Island after crashing the event. Psychologists believe he may have been suffering from hot dog envy.
A Chinese Court has sentenced an American Geologist to 8 years after finding him guilty of collecting state secrets. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place.
A man in New York lost his arm as he was lighting fireworks. This was unusual. Normally, people in New York lose and arm paying the cab driver.
Lady Gaga has beaten President Obama for the Facebook record with more than 10 million people following her. To attract younger fans, he has a new nickname: Gentleman Bama.
Ex- hot dog eating champ, Takeru Kobayashi was arrested in Coney Island after crashing the event. Psychologists believe he may have been suffering from hot dog envy.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Happy 4th of July !!!
This 4th of July weekend marks a special event as Americans everywhere gather with friends and family to experience the explosive fireworks- at the dinner table.
U.S socialite Paris Hilton will not serve any jail time for possession of marijuana after a South African court agreed to drop the charges. This is a reverse of what usually happenes with Paris Hilton. Usually she drops something and that isn't a good thing.
A couple in Spokane Washington paid for their wedding from money earned collecting cans. Guests described the wedding as a smashing success.
Many iPhone4 users are irrate that their wireless signal erroneously reports its strenght. Steve Jobs said the problem is in the software and recommends that they download the latest version of Apple's iDon'tcare.
Tiger's now ex-wife will get 3/4 of a billion dollars as part of her divorce settlement contingent that she keep a vow of silence. In her case, silence IS golden.
U.S socialite Paris Hilton will not serve any jail time for possession of marijuana after a South African court agreed to drop the charges. This is a reverse of what usually happenes with Paris Hilton. Usually she drops something and that isn't a good thing.
A couple in Spokane Washington paid for their wedding from money earned collecting cans. Guests described the wedding as a smashing success.
Many iPhone4 users are irrate that their wireless signal erroneously reports its strenght. Steve Jobs said the problem is in the software and recommends that they download the latest version of Apple's iDon'tcare.
Tiger's now ex-wife will get 3/4 of a billion dollars as part of her divorce settlement contingent that she keep a vow of silence. In her case, silence IS golden.
Friday, July 2, 2010
To my fellow bloggers - The cure for "writer's block"
This may come as a shock to many of you but the act of writing mere jokes on a semi-daily basis actually takes some effort. Sometimes I struggle with trying to find how certain ideas mesh with each other. Of course, there is always the self-doubt that what I produce may suck or not be funny or poignant and I'm ok with that. I've learned to accept the fact that my "creation" may not be all that ground breaking but I strive to de several things in my writings: 1- I try to find humor in a current event. 2- I try to add an element of truth to a joke. 3- I try to be original. Right now, I'm sort of a regular contributor to the NY Times Humor blog also called "Laughlines". There are other very funny and creative writers that submit material to the NY Times hoping that their joke is selected. It is very competitive to get chosen but I purposely DO NOT read what others have submitted so as to not be influenced by what they have said. This has proven to be fruitful as my jokes are chosen on a regular basis. Sometimes I submit material that gets overlooked and I have learned to keep on keeping on. This reminds me of an open mike at a coffe shop called the "Gypsey Den" in Santa Ana, CA . Once a week, musicians play their hearts out. Not because they are receiving fame or money or even much recognition. They play because they enjoy it. Likewise, I write in this blog because I get a certain pleasure from creating jokes. Also, it's cheaper that paying for a shrink. I enjoy the intellectual challenge of finding that grain of humor/truth in current events. Sometimes, the ideas come easily. Othertimes, I get stuck and I'm not feeling it. When that happens, I simply let go. Creativity is a very elusive thing and there is a delicate dance that occurs. On the one hand if you always rely on "inspiration", you may get lazy and not put in the work. On the otherhand, if you "force" something, the end result may be lacking in that "it". I believe that there is a happy medium that exists. Do the work but if you ain't feeling it, you may need to take a step back. This is the reason, I may decide to skip a day or two for a posting. I'm trying to avoid giving my readers bad service. I read a good poem by Bukowski that really captures my belief about writing and about creativity in general. I hope it serves a purpose for you. The main message is the same message delivered by The Beatles: Let it Be.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
7-1-10
President Obama is pushing for immigration reform citing that "the system is broken". However,it is being put together by using cheap labor from immigrants.
The BP oil spill will be in the Guiness Book of World Record for the worse oil spill in history. This event has also distinction of causing more Americans to begin drinking Guiness.
The New Jersey Nets met with Lebron James to try to sway him to play for them. Their selling point? We're right next to New York.
Portland police are re-opening the case against Al Gore that allegedly involved making unwanted sexual advances at a masseuse. It's a case of a therapist vs The rapist.
After almost 70 years, Wonder Woman's outfit will include pants instead of a bathing suit to counter sexist allegations. However, to not lose the young,male audience, she will keep her Wonder Bra.
The BP oil spill will be in the Guiness Book of World Record for the worse oil spill in history. This event has also distinction of causing more Americans to begin drinking Guiness.
The New Jersey Nets met with Lebron James to try to sway him to play for them. Their selling point? We're right next to New York.
Portland police are re-opening the case against Al Gore that allegedly involved making unwanted sexual advances at a masseuse. It's a case of a therapist vs The rapist.
After almost 70 years, Wonder Woman's outfit will include pants instead of a bathing suit to counter sexist allegations. However, to not lose the young,male audience, she will keep her Wonder Bra.
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