Thursday, October 28, 2010

How to Charge $10 for a golf ball/ My alternative to health insurance

Let me explain the glove pictured here. It is a "reflexology" glove. The glove is divided into pressure points that correspond to physical parts of your body. The theory goes that applying pressure to those points will "heal" or "improve" your ills.

My girlfriend bought this because I have been borderline psychotic lately and she thought this may help me. I've been having "depressive episodes" as shit has not gone according to plan. Needless to say my insomnia has gotten worse as has my anxiety and general depression. I did call to speak to a counselor today and someone is supposed to get back to me soon. I try not to be too much of a downer because this blog is supposed to be a humor blog and I don't want to be the bearer of bad news.

Back to the story. I went to Barnes and Noble with my girlfriend today to purchase a book I lost. As we are walking towards the parking lot, she reaches into a bag and opens up a package.

"I got something I want to try on you" my girlfriend tells me.
"what is it?"

She shows me this kit which includes two gloves, a ball, a chart, and a book. I laughed. "They know how to sell a golf ball for ten dollars" I tell her. It's called marketing. She begins to rub the ball on the pressure points that are supposed to relax me.

After leaving Barnes and Noble I went to the Mc. Donald's drive thru for their delicious ice cream cones. I'm wearing the glove proudly, like Michael Jackson did his sequin glove. "I'm going to pay with this glove" I tell my girlfriend. "Please don't", she begs. I win. I pay with the glove while keeping a straight face and collecting the cones SLOWLY so that the cashier can admire the artistry of my glove. I leave.

Now the truth is reflexology has a dubious reputation. Those who adhere to western standards will probably dismiss it as quakery. Penn and Teller featured reflexology on their show called "Bullshit." I'll keep an open mind and will keep the reader posted on the results.

The glove made me laugh. So far, it has already made me feel better.


  1. Keep an open mind! You never know what might help. Worst case scenario you scored yourself a golf balls and some gloves to keep your hands warm in winter, right? You could use the golf ball to throw at people that annoy you - which is sure to make you feel better.

    I LOL'd when you paid with the gloved hand - classic.

  2. Man that glove is awesome. I might need to check that out. And the only thing that might have made you feel EVEN better, going INSIDE and paying with the glove. But you and I are alike, leave it to our women to put our balls in our hands. You blog made me laugh today, so I guess you are good at your job

  3. Great stuff, Israel! Just be careful not to dose off while wearing the glove. It might go all Doctor Strangelove on you and choke you in your sleep!

  4. That sounds so ridiculous and hilarious. I'm not sure if it works with the whole pressure point thing but it is funny to think about what kinds of reactions I would get from people wearing it.

  5. Laughter is the best medicine. Beat that HMOs. I'm thinkin' reflexology might work in a self-gratifying way.

  6. Amigo! What's going on in that head of yours? Sorry your dealing with those nasty bouts of depression. I hope they are short episodes and don't stay too long!!!! You are so talented! You make laugh every day you post something! Not just me, but everyone else that reads your blog. That's a pretty awesome accomplishment I'd say! I'd love to tell you to shake it off, but I know bettah! ;)

    Keep laughing and that glove is hilarious!!
    Chin up doll!

  7. I think reflexology probably works. My daughter had surgery the other day and was in great pain. I rubbed and pressed on her feet because I had heard of reflexology. It did help ease the pain. Acupuncture helped my fibromyalgia and a shoulder injury.

  8. I've been reading about the 'Placebo Effect' sometimes things work even though they scientifically 'shouldn't'. Because people don't know how it works, they say its a 'Placebo' just becuase they haven't got a better explanation.

    I think its the same thing as saying 'This might even work, we don't know why' Give it a go, you never know...

    Hey, I won't say 'cheer up' that's silly, its not as easy as that, but I will say 'good luck'!

  9. Golf is the compression of a golf ball and a sensation similar to that used in the course. Receives the light of a charger is that the players are in the bag (very small) or keep in your basket. After the initial bet, the player marks the position of the ball and just run the ball between the thumb and forefinger for about 10 seconds, then the player can hit his next move. The advantage of this Night Golf ball is the "feel" of a regulation ball, good light and, of course, can be used over and over again.