The CDC is reporting that 1 in 10 americans suffer from major depression. The other 90% falsely believe they are happy.
A pink hippo has been photographed in Kenya. He answers to "sissy".
Stephen J Cannell, the creator of the "A Team" has died. In a statement released by Mr. T, he said he pittied the fool.
The U.S government is apologizing for infecting hundreds of Guatemalans in the 1940's with syphillis for a "medical" experiment. By the government's standard, this apology is timely.
Tiger Wood's alleged mistress claims to have sold a sex video which shows Tiger woods in a threesome. The tape was authenticated after spotting his 9 iron.
CNN newscaster Rick Sanchez called John Stewart a bigot and said that Jews in CNN run the media. Immediately after that comment a powerful Jew from CNN fired him.
I laughed so hard at these. Great jokes.
ReplyDeletelmao! ditto what belle said!
ReplyDeleteLOL Israel, hilarious!
ReplyDeleteIsrael I saw this and I thought of you:
ReplyDelete44 Ways to know if you drink too much coffee...
1. You answer the door before people knock.
2. You get a tax cut for all the coffee you buy.
3. You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in bed."
4. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
5. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
6. You sleep with your eyes open.
7. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
8. The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
9. You lick your coffeepot clean.
10. You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.
11. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
12. You only eat coffee cake.
13. You chew on other people’s fingernails.
14. You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
15. You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
16. You call everyone "Joe."
17. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
18. You don’t sweat, you percolate.
19. You buy half and half by the barrel.
20. You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
21. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
22. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
23. All of your clothes have coffee stains.
24. You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
25. People get dizzy just watching you.
26. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
27. You can barely wait to drink Instant Coffee.
28. When someone says. "How are you?" you say, "Good to the last drop."
29. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
30. Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.
31. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
32. You’re offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
33. You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
34. You get drunk just so you can sober up.
35. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
36. You short out motion detectors.
37. You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
38. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
39. You don’t tan, you roast.
40. You don’t get mad, you get steamed.
41. Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
42. You can’t even remember your second cup.
43. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
44. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup
Israel, I saw this and I thought of you:L
ReplyDeletethe
44 Ways to know if you drink too much coffee list :)
http://www.lattemaestro.com/Academy/CoffeeHumor.php
I can't post it here because it is too long.
LOL, I guess it posted the program said it was too long, liar, liar! LOL
ReplyDeleteThat was funny as hell and true.
ReplyDelete