Deadly Fun

In the 80's, Oingo Boingo told us, "It's a dead man's party who can ask for more.Everybody's coming leave your body at the door. Perhaps Oingo Boingo was was talking about Dia De Los Muertos (Day of the Dead.) Speaking of the dead, I've been dead to the blogging world but like a good zombie, I'm never really gone forever. This weekend, I had the pleasure of attending the annual Dia De Los Muertos celebration in East Los Angeles. It's like a big block party where they block off the streets and vendors, artists, and the whole community gets together to party, Dia De los Muertos is a holiday that commemorates the dead loved ones that are not physically with us anymore. We celebrate death but not in a "I'm trying to cash in on the 72 virgins deal." It's more of an acknowledgment that we are mortal and should rejoice while we still can. It is also a time to remember loved ones and party with their spirits. I remember taking a "death and dying course" in college and we studied how we, in the West, act like Grim Reaper doesn't exist and worse yet, we fear death. (Except for Blue Oyster Cult who advocated that we NOT Fear the Reaper. Can you hear the cow bell? I can) Evidence of this apprehension can be found in the many euphemisms we use for death. In America a person does not die, they "pass away" like an eternal quarterback throwing to his/her celestial angels. In America, one "crosses over". Mexicans do this too but we call it "migration". Jan Brewer that joke is for you. Here people "go to meet their maker" like we are a mass produced widget. Dia De Los Muertos is a departure from that. People dress up like skeletons. There is imagery that reminds us our future home- that snug coffin. The emphasis is on the "now" on the living, while still remembering the dead. If any readers are ever in Los Angeles during the Halloween season, you have to visit E.L.A and attend a Day of the Dead celebration. I posted some videos of the event along with a picture of a couple we met at the event. I hope you can feel some of the jubilation I experienced at this event. While there, I began to reflect on all the people that have "passed away" (I do it too) such as family and friends and I had peace in knowing that it's all one. We are all one giant consciousness and the memories we have are eternal and will outlive us. The most vivid memory I have, and the one that left the biggest impression on me was this chubby Mexican guy who had a portrait of his grand parents. While, the band played, he kept raising his hands with the portrait of his dead grand parents, dancing while celebrating their lives. I guess life is like a song.

Dia De Los Muertos Art from East Los Angeles, CA

Dia De Los Muertos (Day of the dead) 2012 East L.A

Unite and take over

Sham on you!

In uptown Whittier, CA there is a 99 cent store on historic Greenleaf Avenue. As the name implies, things cost about a dollar here. The 99 cent store is located on the corner of sad and despair. That's where the thieves above decided to make their big hit. I don't know what's sadder: Thieves ripping of the 99 cent store or spelling shame without an "e"; especially if the purpose of showing their faces is to sham them! Chances are they have very little left if they are staking 99 cent stores. They have 99 problems but shame ain't one.

Nationalism

"Like a taco"

Today I treated myself to Korean Food. It was all you can eat so I accepted the challenge. I'm what you call a "foodie" which is a euphemism for fat ass! I got the usual Kimchi, rice, and marinated beef. I also got the usual side dish called rice cake (shown in white above). I always get it but I never knew how to eat it. Am I to dip it in sauce? Is it meant to be fried? Can it be eaten alone or with the other food? Such grand questions have always alluded me when it came to the rice cake. I decided to ask the Korean waiter. He was a young, frail guy in his early 20's


"How do I eat this?" Do I need to fry it?
"No No, you use it to wrap up the meat. Like a Taco!"


I was tempted to reply "Gracias Senor" in the most stereotypical, Mexican accent. Had my beard been longer, he may have told me to warp up the meat like Pita bread.

Jokes 5-20-12

Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg married his long time girlfriend. He changed is Facebook status to "married" and she updated her status to "half".


On May 21st, Canadians celebrate Victoria day in honor of Queen Victoria's birthday. In America the only Victoria we celebrate is a secret.


In Parker Colorado, a lesbian couple have been arrested for staging a hate crime. They spray painted the words "Kill the Gay". They are also being sued by the GOP for using their slogan without permission.


Usain Bolt dumped his girlfriend of six months. Before she could respond, he simply vanished.


A British tabloid is reporting that Kim Kardashian is coming between Kanye West and Jay-Z and I can't wait to see that video.


A transgendered, Miss Universe Canada, felt short of the national title but still made the top 12 semi-finalists. I applaud her courage. That takes balls.

Happy Late Cinco De Mayo

This Cinco De Mayo weekend, I'd decided to go all Cinco De Mayo out so I headed to East L.A. I took Whittier Boulevard all the way down and drove slowly ala Cheech and Chong and decided to celebrate the positive aspects of The Mexican community. The snapshot above is in East L.A and it is a motto used by Homeboy Industries. This is an organization that was started by a priest in ELA that was tired of seeing gang members shoot each other so he provided an avenue where gang members and former gang members can work. (http://homeboy-industries.org/). I encourage you guys to support them. 


Next, I stopped by Cain's Arcade to support a kid who inspired me to dream and not be held back by obstacles. This kid saw opportunity in cardboard of all things and he truly is a genius. I encourage all of you, especially those who have kids to show Caine's Arcade. It is refreshing to see the youth of  today channeling their creativity in a non-digital way. Video may have killed the radio star but this kid survived. 


Next, I went to Olvera Street (La Placita) and devoured a chile relleno plate with home-made tortillas while the mariachis played in background. Ay AY AY AY (too much tequila)

I got a fun pass from Cain himself!

Caine's Arcade

It's time we recognize the father of "Grunge"

Before there was Kurt Cobain, there was "Shaggy". He was rocking the goatee, the casual T-shirt and the messy hair before Seattle brewed its first cup of coffee. It's time he gets recognized as the king of slackers. He was a loser before Beck was begging the world to kill him. He would prefer to run rather than fight and we really know why he always had an insatiable appetite for Scooby snacks. The dude was a pothead, even if the producers deny hidden references to weed. Next time some cocky hipster tries being smug and ironic with his casual attire, tell him, he's 40 years behind.

jokes 4-24-12

North Korea has threatened to reduce South Korea to ashes in four minutes for insulting its leadership. Is this what they mean by Korean BBQ?

A former McDonald's worker is suing a former franchise owner claiming that she was forced to prostitute herself. Her nickname was the golden arched back. I'm loving it.

Wal-Mart stock lost 5% of its value on news that top executives bribed Mexican officials. That's Juan big problem.

A Brazilian actor, playing Judas, accidentally hung himself in a theater. He leaves behind a wife, a child, and 30 pieces of silver.

Newt Gingrich hinted that he may drop out of the presidential race. He sent a message to all his supporters but he never responded.

The latest political science question: What is the law enforcement agency that is in charge of protecting the president?

Answer: Erotic Services.

This is a test

Video Blog- Exhaustion, Bob Dylan, and Kenny

Starbucks Chronicles

I drink Starbucks everyday. In the early hour I'm drawn to it like a moth is to bright lights. It's my daily ritual. When I get there I'm surrounded by other glossy-eyed customers who have to trick their bodies into thinking they have energy. Energy that is needed to deal with the hell call work.

At Starbucks, I don't just get my caffeine fix. I also get a daily dosage of optimism from the Starbucks employees whose giddy displays are usually reserved for first dates or Thanksgiving dinners.

"what will it be today?", says the smiling girl at the cashier.

I'm jealous of that zeal because if it's me and it's morning time and I have to serve strangers, my greeting might sound like this:

"what do you want?"

If the order is complicated and requires conversion tables and a mastery of the metric system, I'll just say, "No! you are having a green tea and a cookie. That will be $3.55."

The next day I would find myself in the unemployment line ranting to anyone that would listen that Starbucks management lacks a sense of humor.

If you take time to people watch, Starbucks can provide you with hours of free entertainment. My favorite group of people to watch are business people AKA Con Artists AKA Self employed people who are trying to convince another to join their organization because it is there that your financial problems get bitch slapped. Especially entertaining is the air of respectability and nobility they purport to have.

"When I talk to a customer it's like I put them in a trance. I snap my finger BOOM. BOOM. It's all psychological. I'm revealing my secrets with you!" (Yes that conversation actually took place)

Starbucks also seems to hire a prototype employee: The young and animated thespian who has to yell out witty comments for us to hear over the latest Bruce Springsteen song. It's like there is a Glee audition happening and I stopped believing a long time ago.

Recently, Starbucks got rid of several tables and outlets to discourage "laptop hobos" from going to Starbucks and staying there all day occupying the tables because of it's Wi-FI capabilities.

At first this pissed me off because I remember going to Starbucks when I was unemployed so that I can find work. The irony is that Starbucks selling point used to be "Come to Starbucks. We have Wi-Fi". Then They get all pissed. "What the fuck? people are here for out Wi-Fi ???"

A few years back I got caught up with the Starbucks sucks propaganda. I went to competing chains. And you want to know something? The others sucked even worse! Starbucks makes a decent cup of coffee. It's not gourmet, but it gives me just enough energy to finish writing shit like this.

Jokes -March 22.2012

Comedian Gallagher was hospitalized after he suffered a heart attack. His doctor is recommending that he switch to smashing grapes.

A new "Huggies" ad has angered dads for portraying them as hapless caregivers. As soon as I find my kid, I'm writing them a protest letter.

Did you hear? A journal belonging to Lizzie Borden was recently found. If you don't know, you better axe somebody.

Ben & Jerry has created a new ice cream flavor in support of gay marriage. It's described as super fruity and God hates it.

Rick Santorum has made a campaign promise to ban hard-core pornography. Come again?

A 7.6 earthquake shook Mexico creating instant Mexican Jumping Beans.

Robert De Niro is in hot water for joking at Obama's fundraiser that it was too soon for a another white,first lady. "You know how us Guidos are", he continued.

Einstein's manuscripts are now available online. To see them, go to www.iwishiwassmartenoughtounderstandthisshit.com

Shark Attack

Don't apologize for who you are

I try to not get too political on this blog but I have to get something off my chest which is a common occurrence in popular culture today, that gets on my freaking nerves:

The half ass apology.

It usually happens because the person doing the apology:

A- Was being a dick
B- Got caught
C- Has to apologize because of self interest.

Here is the thing: DON"T APOLOGIZE FOR BEING YOU.

It reminds me of an Aesop Fable of the scorpion and the frog. The scorpion asks the frog to help him cross the lake. The frog is apprehensive because it fears being stung. The scorpion re-assures the frog that it would be foolish to sting the frog because it would die and they would both sink and die. The frog agrees to help the scorpion. It hops on the frog's back and half way through, the scorpion stings the frog. "Why did you do that?" the frog asks? "It's my nature" responds the scorpion.

That's just it. Just as as dog barks, and a bird flies, a dick is a dick.

There are numerous examples of this. Remember when Mel Gibson had a few too many drinks and got pulled over and unleashed his anti Semitic rant to a cop? First he blamed it on the a a a a alcohol and then he "apologized". He said that's not who he is. Correction: That is who you are. Otherwise alcoholic beverages may need to post warnings: Drinking may cause you to say what you really think and this may prove embarrassing. Drink responsibly,

Then there is Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid who said Obama could be successful because he is light skin and doesn't have a "negro dialect". After that comment he, you guessed it, "apologized". For what? That is who he is.

Now you have Rush Limbaugh who called a Harvard student a "slut" because she testified in support of including women's contraceptive to an employer's health insurance. Rush argued that she was demanding to be paid to have sex. WHAT??? It would be amusing if he didn't have a legion of fools who look to him for guidance. I like how a guy that has been married 4 times, was arrested for abusing prescribed medication (he deceived several doctors to obtain multiple prescriptions), and was caught with a bottle of Viagra that was not prescribed to him, is passing moral judgment.

In response to the bad press that his "slut" comment received and after dozens of sponsors dropped him, he ....."apologized". It was the weakest of apologies. It was preceded by comments about how he shouldn't have scooped to the level of those on the left.... but, he reassures the listeners, it was a "sincere apology".

I do believe in apologies when they are sincere and when emotions trump what you really believe. But, if you're a scorpion don't apologize for stinging. It's in your nature.

Jokes March 1 (memba them??)

This past Monday, Rodney King pleaded guilty to reckless driving. In his defense, he claims he often gets light headed and doesn't remember why.

Former Detroit Lions running back Barry Sanders has filed for divorce from his wife of 11 years. The media has attempted to get comments from him but can't get a hold of him.

Jennifer Lopez had an Oscar slip. She was invited to the Oscars.

Mitt Romney won the Michigan and Arizona primary. The reason: Mormon voted for him.

John Lius's campaign manager has been arrested on fraud charges or as is commonly known in Wall Street, graduation.

Ron Paul said his "movement" is coming to Virginia. It's called concession.

The U.S is finally #1 in High School Education...school shootings.

An Indian tribe is suing Urban Outfitters for misappropriation the group's name on its products. They sent their message via smoke clouds.

This Feb 29 was "Leap day", a day popular among Mexicans and kangaroos.

Scientists have concluded that the bite of a T.Rex was 3 times greater than a shark but apparently not strong enough to bite through a shit load of ice.

Van Halen performed at Madison Square Garden. They played their new song "Skip"