Monday, March 7, 2011

jokes 3-7-11



Johnny Depp has taken a movie role involving a talking chameleon named Rango. In response, a lawsuit has been filed by Geico Insurance.

After losing their 4th game in a row, the Miami Heat coach took his team out to see a movie they could relate to: The Crying Game.

As a result of possible salmonella contamination, Skippy Peanut Butter is being recalled in 16 states, before it spreads.

Afghan President Karzai has rejected the apology of the American general after it accidently killed 9 civilains in a millitary campaign. He was especially incensed by the phrase: "Shit happens, my bad."

Footage of the surveillance video that showed Lindsey Lohan shoplifting a $2500 necklace has been sold for $35,000. A second surveilance video was also sold that showed Lindsey Lohan trying to also steal that $35,000.

The Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao said he has a plan to eradicate poverty by 2020. It wil be based on North Korea's model of feeding its people bullshit.

Road workers in China discovered a 700 year old mummy. Also found was a hand written note it read: I'd like to take you out some day. Sincerely, Larry King.

14 comments:

  1. These are hilarious!!
    That Lohan chick is such a piece of work, huh.

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  2. We shouldn't hate on Lindsey Lohan for stealing. Rehab don't come cheap.

    Larry King came on to that 700 year old mummy because lately he's been getting into wrap.

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  3. LMAO! I agree with Shady. Especially now that Lindsay's career is... Wait. What career? :p

    These are awesome.

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  4. Ha! I like a little "funneh" in the mornings!

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  5. I almost started feeling sorry for the Heat yesterday. Then I remembered they're all douche bags. haha

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  6. LOL, loved them all especially the last one about Larry King. Was the mummy wearing suspenders?

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  7. You always make me laugh! You write the most intricate and intelligent jokes. I love them!

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  8. Larry King and a mummy = hot corpse on corpse action.

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  9. LOL at the Larry King love note :)

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  10. lmfao I saw that shit about the Heat on Sports Center...still laughing!

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  11. It was the Skippy Peanut Butter joke that killed me. Loved it, although Larry came in a close second.

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  12. I laughed at each and every one of these! You are a genius, Israel, a genius!!!

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  13. Nice! Lohan smack is always funny.

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