Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Are you fat? Ask an Asian
If there is one thing that amuses me, it's the bluntness of Asians. In as few syllables as possible, Asians will tell you what's on their mind and they won't hold back especially when it comes to telling you about your weight.
Years ago I ran into an older,Asian man that I had worked with but it had been a few years since we had seen each other.
"Hey it's me Israel"
The old man squinted because he didn't recognise me and when he finally did he let me know how much I had changed.
"You face got like this." (He then puffs his cheeks and gestures with his hand putting one hand on each side of the cheek to simulate a fat face)
"Nice seeing you too" I said as I walked away feeling swollen.
On another occasion I had a blind date with an Asian lady and when I met her, her first words out of her mouth were:
"YOU FIAT" Asian Translation: You're fat
Well yesterday I went to my favorite Thai restaurant in Anaheim. I'm loyal to them and they love me because I was one of their first customers. Their restaurant is family run. The chef is a young Thai guy and his sister helps him by waiting tables.
I always greet them loudly when I walk in
"Chef Boyardee! Chef Boyardee"
"Oh Hi the older sister tells me.
She turns to the younger sister and tells her her, "Remember him when he was big!"
The younger sister chimes in, "Yeah you so much smaller now"
I tried to downplay my lost weight. "I didn't lose that much."
The older sister disagrees. "NO befo' you much bigger you stomach was over here"
She then extends her hand just under her stomach.
The younger sister asks me for tips on how to lose weight.
"Jump rope. Run up and down stairs and hop on and off the block."
I then simulate like I was jump roping and jumping on and off a block.
They laugh at my goofiness.
"See you next time Chef Boyardee"