Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Are you fat? Ask an Asian



If there is one thing that amuses me, it's the bluntness of Asians. In as few syllables as possible, Asians will tell you what's on their mind and they won't hold back especially when it comes to telling you about your weight.

Years ago I ran into an older,Asian man that I had worked with but it had been a few years since we had seen each other.
"Hey it's me Israel"

The old man squinted because he didn't recognise me and when he finally did he let me know how much I had changed.

"You face got like this." (He then puffs his cheeks and gestures with his hand putting one hand on each side of the cheek to simulate a fat face)
"Nice seeing you too" I said as I walked away feeling swollen.

On another occasion I had a blind date with an Asian lady and when I met her, her first words out of her mouth were:
"YOU FIAT" Asian Translation: You're fat

Well yesterday I went to my favorite Thai restaurant in Anaheim. I'm loyal to them and they love me because I was one of their first customers. Their restaurant is family run. The chef is a young Thai guy and his sister helps him by waiting tables.
I always greet them loudly when I walk in

"Chef Boyardee! Chef Boyardee"
"Oh Hi the older sister tells me.
She turns to the younger sister and tells her her, "Remember him when he was big!"
The younger sister chimes in, "Yeah you so much smaller now"

I tried to downplay my lost weight. "I didn't lose that much."
The older sister disagrees. "NO befo' you much bigger you stomach was over here"
She then extends her hand just under her stomach.

The younger sister asks me for tips on how to lose weight.
"Jump rope. Run up and down stairs and hop on and off the block."

I then simulate like I was jump roping and jumping on and off a block.

They laugh at my goofiness.
"See you next time Chef Boyardee"

17 comments:

  1. lol. awesome. i've had those same experiences minus the blind date with the asian lady and the chef boyardee thing. LOL

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  2. I think I remember the blind Asian lady date post.

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  3. You gotta love them. They're so tiny and cute that it seems endearing when they tell you like it is.

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  4. That's a cute story. And pic.

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  5. Hahaha. It's true. Asians could be- can we say too honest?? :p

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  6. Cute story! I liked this post very much!

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  7. Haha! You so fat! Vietnamese and Thai are exactly the same in Australia. Don't take it to heart.

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  8. The Asian guy who worked at the 7-11 did that puffed-up face gesture to me, too. He kinda hurt my feelings!

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  9. Ah- apparently the truth works both ways. Congrats on your new self!
    I've recently dropped 15 pounds. My husband finally noticed but he's the only one. I must not have any Asian people in my life.
    (Or it could be that I've always worn my clothes three sizes too big.)

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  10. Yay well done on the weight loss. I didn't know Asians were blunt about such things, must be a culture thing! Funny though. Well, not if you're the one they're talking about.

    For the record a homeless guy once seriously asked me, in a polite manner, when my baby was due because I was wearing a weird sort of swing coat thing that makes you look triangular. I said "Oh, it's due in April!" as it was less embarrassing than gong "I'm not pregnant you asshole, I'm skinny under this fucking coat!"

    He wasn't Asian though. :)

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  11. I don't mind someone being blunt, as long as they are not nasty about it.

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  12. Chef Boyardee? Wow. What a nickname. I thought my college nickname of Chubb Rock took some getting used to. :)

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  13. I concur. Asians are good for maximum lulz/bluntness.

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  14. Hilarious! I can see em' now, smiling the whole time. So, the movies are true...

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  15. I had a asian coworker walk over to me, rub my belly and say: "You have budda belly, you lucky."

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