Thursday, June 2, 2011

Facebookland , Real life and what is a friend and...

I had en episode recently that has made me re-evalaute how and why we socialize.

A few days ago I received an email by an old "Friend" (emphasized for a key reason) who found me on Facebook. I don't have my pic on Facebook but I drop just enough clues that would be known by those few who know me.

This friend and I go way back. I mean way back. We met at the Community College. She wore alot of black and she smoked alot and was very cynical and guarded. We got along great.

I hung out at her place alot and we were really good friends. I even hooked her up with one of my rapper friends who laid on top of her and said, "What's my name?". Later he asked her for duckets (cash) cuz he needed gas money.

One Christmas I invited her to my mom's house on Christmas to eat Tamales because she didn't have familiy in the States. We once took a bus to Hollywood for the hellof it. Once I had her debate the legalization of prostitution with a homeless guy outside of Tang's donuts in Los Angeles. I videotaped that "debate".

We were good friends. I thought so.

She then moved to Santa Monica, CA, then New Jersey and then she just vanished. I hadn't heard from her until I received her email.

I wrote back, "Hey psycho what's your number?"

And she wrote verbatim:

What the hell, I'm not ready to speak to you on the phone, how long has it been? Email me (email given)with a summary of your life from the past decade before we proceed.

I wrote back:
Forget I asked. That's lame.

I was taken back by that comment. I always considered us friends because I believe that once a friend, always a friend. Perhaps I'm old fashioned.

I called up my sisted and discussed, what I perceived as a diss.

She offered some great insights. She said, "In Facebookland people can be whatever they want you to perceive. It's safe. A phone call represents the real world." In short, FB alows you to keep people at a safe distance.

Am I missing something here? Is there a different set of norms and ettiquette to Facebook that doesn't translate to real life. Does "friend" have a dual meaning. Am I living in a parallel world where wanting to rekindle a friendship needs to pass several layers of scrutiny?

I'd like to hear your opinion.


  1. Hi there stranger! Remember me? I really like this one. Wanted to like it thumbs up like but can't find the button! :) Hope your doing well. Thought you might like this one ...

  2. What? Haha. How lame of her. Why did she try to find you on FB in the first place? I have lost contact with some of my RL friends and they found me on FB. We exchanged numbers there and get to hang out every now and then. And? All the people I don't want to have contact with are blocked. :)

  3. My niece friends almost anyone..... not good. I know all my friends and won't friend anyone I don't know. What did she want from you, a novel of your life the past 20 years? Ha!

    Adsila (I have to be anonymous on some blogs until blogger gets things fixed)

  4. Seriously? "Email me (email given)with a summary of your life from the past decade before we proceed." WTF is that? What? We need a resume before we can be friends now? That's just crazy. To answer one of your questions, I don't believe this is the norm. I think your turncoat friend has issues. What she did was a blessing in disguise for you, my friend. -And I'm not using that term loosely. You know I value your words and your humor but most of all, your advice and your bluntness, even if we've never met in person. Bah! Don't fret over it. Go make fun of a little kid or something instead! ha!

  5. How sad. Facebook does allow you to be more guarded. I know I am, I like to hide behind it, but I wouldn't act like her. She's taking it to a whole nother level.

    I would give her one more chance or two for her to pull whatever she is sitting on, out of her ass before moving on. Find out what's been going on in her life. She may have been through hell, maybe she needs a friend and doesn't know how to act.

    Good luck.

  6. I think that's weird. If you were close with her, and didn't have a falling out or anything, then why would it be weird to reconnect on the phone? Some people are just lame.

    Yo, I got your book in the mail!! Thank you so much!

  7. Honestly, it just seems to be that maybe the past decade of HER life hasn't gone so great & she just turned weird. Please leave a detailed description of your history after the beep. Uhhh, yeah. Still guarded as ever, huh?

  8. It depends on who you friend on Facebook. If you friend only your closest friends and what not then I think it's just and extension of talking to them, but when aquaintences and other people you haven't talked to in a long time, then that etiquette crap gets mixed in.

  9. Wow, that's crazy. I can kind of see the world coming to that though. People hide behind these social networks as if they're anonymous. How can you forget that you're not anonymous when the people following you generally know you? Duh! For some reason, social networks have given people a false sense of reality. Some folks can say things on there that they can't say in public. It's sad the direction people, especially the youth, are going. As for your friend, I would have been hurt, too. Some people just disappear and never even try to contact you and I don't get that. My college roommate who was in my wedding hasn't spoken to me since my wedding. I emailed with no response and called only to find out that he'd moved. I figured he'd track me down since I've been in the same house since before marriage and have had the same e-mail address since '96. I haven't heard from him. What makes people do that? You think you're cool, but you're really just helping that person pass the time, I guess.