Video Blog- Exhaustion, Bob Dylan, and Kenny

Starbucks Chronicles

I drink Starbucks everyday. In the early hour I'm drawn to it like a moth is to bright lights. It's my daily ritual. When I get there I'm surrounded by other glossy-eyed customers who have to trick their bodies into thinking they have energy. Energy that is needed to deal with the hell call work.

At Starbucks, I don't just get my caffeine fix. I also get a daily dosage of optimism from the Starbucks employees whose giddy displays are usually reserved for first dates or Thanksgiving dinners.

"what will it be today?", says the smiling girl at the cashier.

I'm jealous of that zeal because if it's me and it's morning time and I have to serve strangers, my greeting might sound like this:

"what do you want?"

If the order is complicated and requires conversion tables and a mastery of the metric system, I'll just say, "No! you are having a green tea and a cookie. That will be $3.55."

The next day I would find myself in the unemployment line ranting to anyone that would listen that Starbucks management lacks a sense of humor.

If you take time to people watch, Starbucks can provide you with hours of free entertainment. My favorite group of people to watch are business people AKA Con Artists AKA Self employed people who are trying to convince another to join their organization because it is there that your financial problems get bitch slapped. Especially entertaining is the air of respectability and nobility they purport to have.

"When I talk to a customer it's like I put them in a trance. I snap my finger BOOM. BOOM. It's all psychological. I'm revealing my secrets with you!" (Yes that conversation actually took place)

Starbucks also seems to hire a prototype employee: The young and animated thespian who has to yell out witty comments for us to hear over the latest Bruce Springsteen song. It's like there is a Glee audition happening and I stopped believing a long time ago.

Recently, Starbucks got rid of several tables and outlets to discourage "laptop hobos" from going to Starbucks and staying there all day occupying the tables because of it's Wi-FI capabilities.

At first this pissed me off because I remember going to Starbucks when I was unemployed so that I can find work. The irony is that Starbucks selling point used to be "Come to Starbucks. We have Wi-Fi". Then They get all pissed. "What the fuck? people are here for out Wi-Fi ???"

A few years back I got caught up with the Starbucks sucks propaganda. I went to competing chains. And you want to know something? The others sucked even worse! Starbucks makes a decent cup of coffee. It's not gourmet, but it gives me just enough energy to finish writing shit like this.

Jokes -March 22.2012

Comedian Gallagher was hospitalized after he suffered a heart attack. His doctor is recommending that he switch to smashing grapes.

A new "Huggies" ad has angered dads for portraying them as hapless caregivers. As soon as I find my kid, I'm writing them a protest letter.

Did you hear? A journal belonging to Lizzie Borden was recently found. If you don't know, you better axe somebody.

Ben & Jerry has created a new ice cream flavor in support of gay marriage. It's described as super fruity and God hates it.

Rick Santorum has made a campaign promise to ban hard-core pornography. Come again?

A 7.6 earthquake shook Mexico creating instant Mexican Jumping Beans.

Robert De Niro is in hot water for joking at Obama's fundraiser that it was too soon for a another white,first lady. "You know how us Guidos are", he continued.

Einstein's manuscripts are now available online. To see them, go to www.iwishiwassmartenoughtounderstandthisshit.com

Shark Attack

Don't apologize for who you are

I try to not get too political on this blog but I have to get something off my chest which is a common occurrence in popular culture today, that gets on my freaking nerves:

The half ass apology.

It usually happens because the person doing the apology:

A- Was being a dick
B- Got caught
C- Has to apologize because of self interest.

Here is the thing: DON"T APOLOGIZE FOR BEING YOU.

It reminds me of an Aesop Fable of the scorpion and the frog. The scorpion asks the frog to help him cross the lake. The frog is apprehensive because it fears being stung. The scorpion re-assures the frog that it would be foolish to sting the frog because it would die and they would both sink and die. The frog agrees to help the scorpion. It hops on the frog's back and half way through, the scorpion stings the frog. "Why did you do that?" the frog asks? "It's my nature" responds the scorpion.

That's just it. Just as as dog barks, and a bird flies, a dick is a dick.

There are numerous examples of this. Remember when Mel Gibson had a few too many drinks and got pulled over and unleashed his anti Semitic rant to a cop? First he blamed it on the a a a a alcohol and then he "apologized". He said that's not who he is. Correction: That is who you are. Otherwise alcoholic beverages may need to post warnings: Drinking may cause you to say what you really think and this may prove embarrassing. Drink responsibly,

Then there is Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid who said Obama could be successful because he is light skin and doesn't have a "negro dialect". After that comment he, you guessed it, "apologized". For what? That is who he is.

Now you have Rush Limbaugh who called a Harvard student a "slut" because she testified in support of including women's contraceptive to an employer's health insurance. Rush argued that she was demanding to be paid to have sex. WHAT??? It would be amusing if he didn't have a legion of fools who look to him for guidance. I like how a guy that has been married 4 times, was arrested for abusing prescribed medication (he deceived several doctors to obtain multiple prescriptions), and was caught with a bottle of Viagra that was not prescribed to him, is passing moral judgment.

In response to the bad press that his "slut" comment received and after dozens of sponsors dropped him, he ....."apologized". It was the weakest of apologies. It was preceded by comments about how he shouldn't have scooped to the level of those on the left.... but, he reassures the listeners, it was a "sincere apology".

I do believe in apologies when they are sincere and when emotions trump what you really believe. But, if you're a scorpion don't apologize for stinging. It's in your nature.

Jokes March 1 (memba them??)

This past Monday, Rodney King pleaded guilty to reckless driving. In his defense, he claims he often gets light headed and doesn't remember why.

Former Detroit Lions running back Barry Sanders has filed for divorce from his wife of 11 years. The media has attempted to get comments from him but can't get a hold of him.

Jennifer Lopez had an Oscar slip. She was invited to the Oscars.

Mitt Romney won the Michigan and Arizona primary. The reason: Mormon voted for him.

John Lius's campaign manager has been arrested on fraud charges or as is commonly known in Wall Street, graduation.

Ron Paul said his "movement" is coming to Virginia. It's called concession.

The U.S is finally #1 in High School Education...school shootings.

An Indian tribe is suing Urban Outfitters for misappropriation the group's name on its products. They sent their message via smoke clouds.

This Feb 29 was "Leap day", a day popular among Mexicans and kangaroos.

Scientists have concluded that the bite of a T.Rex was 3 times greater than a shark but apparently not strong enough to bite through a shit load of ice.

Van Halen performed at Madison Square Garden. They played their new song "Skip"

Call me immature- I can't stop laughing at this