Jokes 9-30-11

In China, a rocket carrying its first space laboratory was launched into orbit. There was jubilation in their country. Everybody's getting Wang Chung tonight.

Chaz Bono is changing T.V . The dance show will now be called "Dancing with the stars and a transgendered moon."

Actress Leisha Hailey is calling for a boycott of Southwest Airlines after she was escorted off the plane for kissing a girlfriend. Had it been heavy groping it would have been o.k said a TSA agent.

Italian prime minister, Silvio Berlusconi is remaining low key on his 75 birthday amid allegations that he had orgies and paid a 17 year old for sex. MSNBC will air the video on "To Catch a Prime Minister."

Bank of America will begin charging a $5 monthly fee for the use of their debit card to make purchases. Other banks will follow so they are not
a loan.

Gwyneth Paltrow twitted that she had a horrific hangover celebrating her 39th birthday. She lost a front tooth and can't recall how she ended up with Mike Tyson's tiger.

A Google Android Phone running on an operating system called Ice Cream Sandwich was leaked through Ebay. I'm waiting for the upgraded version which offers more variety: Neapolitan.

In Long Island, NY a cheating ring has been busted. Seven students paid a college student to take the SAT. That's S-A-D.

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I don't always have ADD

jokes 9-15-11

Bank of America is set to cut 30,000 jobs. It’s either that or the CEO waives his bonus.

Manny Ramirez appeared in court on domestic violence charges. It looks like whatever dignity Manny had is going,going,gone!

In a sign of a sluggish economy, 1 in 6 Americans live in poverty. I’d finish this joke but I’m hungry.

Avril Lavigne has released her new single entitled, “wish you were here”. It’s a moving song about American jobs.

Scarlett Johansson has contacted the FBI to investigate a phone hacking that led to the someone getting access of nude pictures of her. How was the hacker able to do all of that using only one hand?

Nicolas Cage said he was awoken by a naked man with a fudgesicle. When did Bill Cosby become senile?

In Hollywood, CA a man dressed as Spongebob Square Pants was detained. He asked for a a lawyer, an agent, and water.

I saw Sarah Palin at a Chinese restaurant. She insisted on having tons of rice.

Jokes 9-8-11

In San Diego, CA a man dressed as Gumby tried robbing a convenience store. His mother is saddened and still remembers when he was just a little green slab of clay.

In Amsterdam a 42 year old woman is being charged with stalking after she allegedly called her ex boyfriend 65,000 times in the past year. That's excessive. I can understand 64,000. Lines need to be drawn.

Indianapolis Colts quarterback, Peyton Manning has undergone neck surgery. Simultaneously, Fantasy Football players that picked him are experiencing heart attacks.

A model is suing "The Price is Right" claiming that she was sexually harassed by two producers of the show. Most disturbing was the producer flashing her while yelling, "come on down you're the next contestant. Try not to bite."

Neil Diamond is set to marry his manager. That's a savvy manager. In one transaction she will go from 10% to 50%.

In Georgia, one woman died after being exposed to an odor at McDonald's. It's called a Big Mac.

Tonight President Obama will deliver his speech on the American Jobs Act. He will act as though there are jobs.

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