Friday, April 29, 2011
Flashback Friday - The not so blind date at Chuck E. Cheese
Many moons ago, when I was in high school, I was partying in Los Angeles. A bunch of us cruised and followed one car to a party. The party consisted of a bunch of drunk Mexicans (myself included) drinking beers out in the street outside a house.
During my drunken haze, a girl turns to me and says,"here's my number"
Before you give me the pimp of the year award, let me be very blunt here:
She looked like a Big Mac with legs. She was nice but wasn't appearing in Allure Magazine any time soon.
I did the polite thing. I said, "sure" and put the # in my pocket as a courtesy.
I must also add that I have a very bad memory.
The next day I phone a female friend and I was inquiring about a girl that was drinking beer with us. "Who is that girl that was wearing the white shorts last night?" I ask my friend Rose.
"That's the girl that gave you her number!" Rose assures me.
Now here is how bad my memory is. She convinced me of what I saw! Instead of trusting my vision, I trusted my friend Rose. Maybe it was her I thought. In reality, it was the teenage hormones that wanted so bad to believe that fantasy. It was on!
We chatted on the phone for a couple of days, convinced that I was talking to "the girl in the shorts"
Her: "I wrote a song about you"
Me: "That's nice you sing?"
Her" "Yeah I sing Rancheras" (Mexican ballads)
Several dsys later...
Her:" I was going to ride my bike to your house" How come you never make an effort to see me?
Me: " I don't have a car"
Her: " I was good to my ex boyfriend....I bought hime everything even underwear when he went to jail!
Me: "What was he in jail for? (curious but also kinda scared)
Her: "Let's not talk about him. Let's talk about us!
OK How many freaking red flags can you count? Exactly.
Her: I can get a ride and meet you somewhere. Where should we meet?
Me: "There's a Chuck E. Cheese by my house!"
It was on!
THE BLIND/NOT REALLY DATE
I wait outside Chuck E. Cheese and I'm scoping all the women that I wish were her. In my fantasy, a model with a wet t-shirt blows a kiss at me and says, "Israel is that you?"
No Show. I'm pissed.
I get home and my phone rings. "Im sorry Israel I promise I wont do this again. Please forgive me. I'll do anything. We re-set our date. Same location: Chuck E. Cheese.
I wait amd I look inside Chuck. E Cheese and I'm waiting to get waived in by my model. I wait and I'm getting pissed when I feel the floor shake like a Cali earthquake.
"Want to go to the park across the street? (much more sweat)
"Here's the thing I didn't get permission to come here and...
THE SCENE OUTSIDE CHUCK E CHEESE
"What is it Israel!!! What is it!!! is it my fat ass?!!!!
"No it's not that its...."
"I feel stupid. I knew it was too good to be true. My friends tried to warn me that I was being dumb.
I tell her, " I can give you a ride. Let me get a car"
The thing is, I didn't have a car. I had to sneak out my parent's car.
I pick her up and start taking her home and I am sweating like shit. "What would you do if I tried to kiss you?" I don't know I bark at her letting her know that I wanted to be left alone.
It was an uncomfortable ride. As if things couldn't get worse, the car is running out of gas! I drop her off far from where she lives on a street corner. My car comes to a halt and I have no money. I had to call home.
" Mom I'm stuck at a gas station with your car." I explained that a girl was being abused and being the good Samaritan, she needed a ride and...
My parents weren't buying it. On the ride back home there was alot of tension and silence but this was the 2nd most uncomfortable ride that night.