Friday, April 29, 2011

Flashback Friday - The not so blind date at Chuck E. Cheese

Many moons ago, when I was in high school, I was partying in Los Angeles. A bunch of us cruised and followed one car to a party. The party consisted of a bunch of drunk Mexicans (myself included) drinking beers out in the street outside a house.

During my drunken haze, a girl turns to me and says,"here's my number"

Before you give me the pimp of the year award, let me be very blunt here:
She looked like a Big Mac with legs. She was nice but wasn't appearing in Allure Magazine any time soon.

I did the polite thing. I said, "sure" and put the # in my pocket as a courtesy.

I must also add that I have a very bad memory.

The next day I phone a female friend and I was inquiring about a girl that was drinking beer with us. "Who is that girl that was wearing the white shorts last night?" I ask my friend Rose.

"That's the girl that gave you her number!" Rose assures me.

Now here is how bad my memory is. She convinced me of what I saw! Instead of trusting my vision, I trusted my friend Rose. Maybe it was her I thought. In reality, it was the teenage hormones that wanted so bad to believe that fantasy. It was on!

We chatted on the phone for a couple of days, convinced that I was talking to "the girl in the shorts"

Her: "I wrote a song about you"
Me: "That's nice you sing?"
Her" "Yeah I sing Rancheras" (Mexican ballads)
Me: "Cool"

Several dsys later...

Her:" I was going to ride my bike to your house" How come you never make an effort to see me?
Me: " I don't have a car"
Her: " I was good to my ex boyfriend....I bought hime everything even underwear when he went to jail!
Me: "What was he in jail for? (curious but also kinda scared)
Her: "Let's not talk about him. Let's talk about us!

OK How many freaking red flags can you count? Exactly.

Next day...
Her: I can get a ride and meet you somewhere. Where should we meet?
Me: "There's a Chuck E. Cheese by my house!"

It was on!

I wait outside Chuck E. Cheese and I'm scoping all the women that I wish were her. In my fantasy, a model with a wet t-shirt blows a kiss at me and says, "Israel is that you?"
I wait.
I wait.
I wait.
No Show. I'm pissed.

I get home and my phone rings. "Im sorry Israel I promise I wont do this again. Please forgive me. I'll do anything. We re-set our date. Same location: Chuck E. Cheese.

I wait amd I look inside Chuck. E Cheese and I'm waiting to get waived in by my model. I wait and I'm getting pissed when I feel the floor shake like a Cali earthquake.

"yeah" (sweat)
"Want to go to the park across the street? (much more sweat)
"Here's the thing I didn't get permission to come here and...

"What is it Israel!!! What is it!!! is it my fat ass?!!!!
"No it's not that its...."
"I feel stupid. I knew it was too good to be true. My friends tried to warn me that I was being dumb.
I tell her, " I can give you a ride. Let me get a car"

The thing is, I didn't have a car. I had to sneak out my parent's car.

I pick her up and start taking her home and I am sweating like shit. "What would you do if I tried to kiss you?" I don't know I bark at her letting her know that I wanted to be left alone.

It was an uncomfortable ride. As if things couldn't get worse, the car is running out of gas! I drop her off far from where she lives on a street corner. My car comes to a halt and I have no money. I had to call home.

" Mom I'm stuck at a gas station with your car." I explained that a girl was being abused and being the good Samaritan, she needed a ride and...

My parents weren't buying it. On the ride back home there was alot of tension and silence but this was the 2nd most uncomfortable ride that night.


  1. Your damn memoir stories ALWAYS fascinate me. And they always end when I don't want them to. :)

  2. Damn, Israel! You've had some dates from hell, that's for sure. At least she didn't turn out to be a gang leader's sister and it became "a question of honor" for you to marry her!

  3. I second Shady's comment - your crazy date stories! It was funny though, I can just imagine the awkward silences. Well, I'm sure there's a moral in the story there somewhere... Maybe something about trusting your first impressions, albeit "drunk" impressions... hmmm...

  4. "I explained that a girl was being abused and being the good Samaritan, she needed a ride" try
    well count your blessings..if there are any :)

  5. OMG, I started laughing just by reading the title of your post! Seriously, how many "signs" do you need before you say "No!" lol Was your friend just playing a cruel joke on you by telling you that she was the "shorts girl"? Wow, you have the BEST date stories!

  6. I'm with the vegetable assassin here. they remind me a lot of my crazy youth, too!

    A Big Mac w/ legs. LOL.

    I have a similar story in that I actually warned my friend about the girl & he wanted to meet up with her anyway. When he did, he called me from a pay phone & was running & giving me flak for it. I freakin' warned him. WTH. LOL

  7. A Big Mac with legs? LMAO! Sorry you and Mayor McCheese had an uncomfortable meeting. That's horrible! I'd be trying to drink that memory away every night if it happened to me.

  8. Eeesh that does sound uncomfortable. :/