Friday, December 9, 2011
My day started shitty. I was involved in a 9 car pile up. My car was 4th on that metal accordion of a mess. This happened on the 5 freeway towards Orange County, CA. It happened so fast. The airbag deployed and my seat belt prevented me from flying through the windshield (so buckle up kiddies!). In the aftermath I was in shock and had inhaled chemicals in my system. I had to kneel to prevent myself from collapsing.
But besides a sore body, I can honestly say that I'm grateful to still be alive and to be surrounded by a core of people that truly care. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I've decided that I wasn't going to let life's struggles get me down. I will turn to humor as a refuge. I hope you enjoy the following jokes. I'll be resting and counting my blessings.
Amy Winehouse's dress fetched $68,000 at an auction. When asked if the buyer planned to re-sell it, he said "no no no"
Burger King announced that they are changing its recipe for the first time since 1998. This time they will take a gamble on potatoes.
Another woman has come forward claiming to have had an affair with Herman Cain. According to her, he had a preference for 69 69 69.
After Congress lifted a ban, horses can now be slaughtered for consumption. Next on Md Donald's menu: The McStallion.
Former Miss USA, Rima Fakih has been arrested on suspicion of DUI after she failed to properly recite the alphabet. She was released immediately when it was discovered that she's just dumb.
Astronomers have discovered the biggest black holes ever, not attached to a Kardashian.
Amanda Knox has hired a lawyer to help her land a book deal. It will be entitled: "OJ thanks for the tips."
Rod Blogojevich has been sentenced for 14 years on corruption charges. His hair is appealing that decision.
Alec Baldwin was kicked off a plane in Los Angeles for playing a word game on his phone. The pilot complained that the constant beeping was was ruining his high.
Lindsey Lohan's Playboy is set to drop early after a leak - or as Hugh Heffner calls it, draining the main vein.