Friday, December 9, 2011

Jokes 12-9-11

My day started shitty. I was involved in a 9 car pile up. My car was 4th on that metal accordion of a mess. This happened on the 5 freeway towards Orange County, CA. It happened so fast. The airbag deployed and my seat belt prevented me from flying through the windshield (so buckle up kiddies!). In the aftermath I was in shock and had inhaled chemicals in my system. I had to kneel to prevent myself from collapsing.

But besides a sore body, I can honestly say that I'm grateful to still be alive and to be surrounded by a core of people that truly care. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I've decided that I wasn't going to let life's struggles get me down. I will turn to humor as a refuge. I hope you enjoy the following jokes. I'll be resting and counting my blessings.

Amy Winehouse's dress fetched $68,000 at an auction. When asked if the buyer planned to re-sell it, he said "no no no"

Burger King announced that they are changing its recipe for the first time since 1998. This time they will take a gamble on potatoes.

Another woman has come forward claiming to have had an affair with Herman Cain. According to her, he had a preference for 69 69 69.

After Congress lifted a ban, horses can now be slaughtered for consumption. Next on Md Donald's menu: The McStallion.

Former Miss USA, Rima Fakih has been arrested on suspicion of DUI after she failed to properly recite the alphabet. She was released immediately when it was discovered that she's just dumb.

Astronomers have discovered the biggest black holes ever, not attached to a Kardashian.

Amanda Knox has hired a lawyer to help her land a book deal. It will be entitled: "OJ thanks for the tips."

Rod Blogojevich has been sentenced for 14 years on corruption charges. His hair is appealing that decision.

Alec Baldwin was kicked off a plane in Los Angeles for playing a word game on his phone. The pilot complained that the constant beeping was was ruining his high.

Lindsey Lohan's Playboy is set to drop early after a leak - or as Hugh Heffner calls it, draining the main vein.


    Why American men should boycott American women

    Boycott American Women

    I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don't know how to cook or clean, don't want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

    American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

    This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

    Tens of millions of American men have had their lives completely destroyed by American women through the following crimes:

    1. False rape accusations (it has been proven that up to 80 percent of rape accusations are FALSE)

    2. False domestic violence (DV) charges (same as above)

    3. Financial destruction of men in divorce courts through alimony and support payments (women get up to 95 percent of their ex-husband's income and savings, as well as the house, car, etc)

    4. Emotional destruction of men by ex-wives who have stolen their children from them and forbidden contact

    5. Divorced dads who commit suicide as a result

    Not one single American woman has EVER condemned their fellow American women for committing these crimes against men. Silence means consent. Therefore, American women support and enjoy destroying men's lives and causing men to commit suicide. Apparently, American women think it is okay to be a criminal, just as long as you are a woman. Therefore, is it any surprise that a huge percent of American men no longer want anything to do with American women, other than using them for easy sex and then throwing them away?

    Over 50 percent of American women are single, without a boyfriend or husband; so the fact is most American men no longer want to marry American women. Let these worthless American women grow old living alone with their 10 cats.


    BRAND NEW: Buy the Boycott American Women book. After reading this book, I promise you that you will never even think about dating an American woman ever again, or else I will give you your money back. That’s right, if you are not convinced by my book, I will give you a full refund!

    Buy the Boycott American Women eBook now for just $4.99:
    Boycott American Women eBook

  2. Glad you're ok, Israel! Nice to read your jokes again.

  3. Holy crap! Glad you are okay. The soreness will go away eventually. Definitely get lots of rest and the bright side? You are not seriously hurt (broken limb, etc.) and you lived to tell about it. It's GREAT thing sweets! Missed your jokes, thanks for my afternoon laughs!

    Take care of u.

  4. The McStallion? LOL! Hey, I'm glad you're okay after the accident. I'm sure that wasn't pleasant at all. Take care of yourself, man.

  5. I'm glad you survived intact. Thank God for Ralph Nader! Loved your jokes. They really had me laughing.

  6. Seriously, what is this Boycott American Women stuff?
    Thank goodness you're alright.
    "Black Holes"?? Oh, I am just gonna leave that one alone.

  7. I am so sorry you got involved in an accident, I am glad you are doing okay ! Sometimes the pain comes a few days after, so I hope you take care of yourself and seek medical treatment.

  8. Your car makes it look like the accident was pretty bad. "Ain't we lucky we got em'?...."

  9. Thanks lot for this useful article, nice post