What you want to tell a cop when you get pulled over

Flashback Friday - The not so blind date at Chuck E. Cheese

Many moons ago, when I was in high school, I was partying in Los Angeles. A bunch of us cruised and followed one car to a party. The party consisted of a bunch of drunk Mexicans (myself included) drinking beers out in the street outside a house.

During my drunken haze, a girl turns to me and says,"here's my number"

Before you give me the pimp of the year award, let me be very blunt here:
She looked like a Big Mac with legs. She was nice but wasn't appearing in Allure Magazine any time soon.

I did the polite thing. I said, "sure" and put the # in my pocket as a courtesy.

I must also add that I have a very bad memory.

The next day I phone a female friend and I was inquiring about a girl that was drinking beer with us. "Who is that girl that was wearing the white shorts last night?" I ask my friend Rose.

"That's the girl that gave you her number!" Rose assures me.

Now here is how bad my memory is. She convinced me of what I saw! Instead of trusting my vision, I trusted my friend Rose. Maybe it was her I thought. In reality, it was the teenage hormones that wanted so bad to believe that fantasy. It was on!

We chatted on the phone for a couple of days, convinced that I was talking to "the girl in the shorts"

Her: "I wrote a song about you"
Me: "That's nice you sing?"
Her" "Yeah I sing Rancheras" (Mexican ballads)
Me: "Cool"

Several dsys later...

Her:" I was going to ride my bike to your house" How come you never make an effort to see me?
Me: " I don't have a car"
Her: " I was good to my ex boyfriend....I bought hime everything even underwear when he went to jail!
Me: "What was he in jail for? (curious but also kinda scared)
Her: "Let's not talk about him. Let's talk about us!

OK How many freaking red flags can you count? Exactly.

Next day...
Her: I can get a ride and meet you somewhere. Where should we meet?
Me: "There's a Chuck E. Cheese by my house!"

It was on!

THE BLIND/NOT REALLY DATE
I wait outside Chuck E. Cheese and I'm scoping all the women that I wish were her. In my fantasy, a model with a wet t-shirt blows a kiss at me and says, "Israel is that you?"
I wait.
I wait.
I wait.
No Show. I'm pissed.

I get home and my phone rings. "Im sorry Israel I promise I wont do this again. Please forgive me. I'll do anything. We re-set our date. Same location: Chuck E. Cheese.

I wait amd I look inside Chuck. E Cheese and I'm waiting to get waived in by my model. I wait and I'm getting pissed when I feel the floor shake like a Cali earthquake.

"Israel"
"yeah" (sweat)
"Want to go to the park across the street? (much more sweat)
"Here's the thing I didn't get permission to come here and...

THE SCENE OUTSIDE CHUCK E CHEESE
"What is it Israel!!! What is it!!! is it my fat ass?!!!!
"No it's not that its...."
"I feel stupid. I knew it was too good to be true. My friends tried to warn me that I was being dumb.
I tell her, " I can give you a ride. Let me get a car"

The thing is, I didn't have a car. I had to sneak out my parent's car.

I pick her up and start taking her home and I am sweating like shit. "What would you do if I tried to kiss you?" I don't know I bark at her letting her know that I wanted to be left alone.

It was an uncomfortable ride. As if things couldn't get worse, the car is running out of gas! I drop her off far from where she lives on a street corner. My car comes to a halt and I have no money. I had to call home.

" Mom I'm stuck at a gas station with your car." I explained that a girl was being abused and being the good Samaritan, she needed a ride and...

My parents weren't buying it. On the ride back home there was alot of tension and silence but this was the 2nd most uncomfortable ride that night.

jokes 4-25-11

An Oregon woman has created a life-size Barbie to help bring awareness to anorexia and other eating disorders. Not to be outdone, I’m creating a life sized male doll named "No Balls Ken" to bring awareness to steroid use.

Iranian lawmakers are proposing to outlaw the dog ownership. This answers the question: Who let the dogs out?

In England, a man was killed when a human canonball show went horribly wrong. Friends and family were conforted knowing he went out in a bang.

Non confirmed rumors are circulating out of Geneva Switzerland that the “God Particle” has been found. Actually, they found 3 particles but they’re really just one taking different forms. It’s hard to explain.

Charlie Sheen was dumped by his porn star girlfriend via text message. The message was preceded by cheesy jazz music.

In Afhanistan, 450 Taliban prisoners broke out of jail after someone dug a 1000 foot tunnel underneath the jail. This has inspired a new film: Shiite Redemption.

As a result of a probation violation, Lindsey Lohan has been court ordered to to do community service where she must serve 120 hours in a Los Angeles Morgue where she will be forced to see the grim reality of where her career is going.

Cosmic Consciousness in action

A funny thing happened this morning. I woke up, went to work, and did the same routine that many of us repeat each day. I saw my neighbor who is slowly losing his mind and he too has a routine. He wakes up, and goes walking to the park with his walker and he collects garbage and he takes it home as a prized possession. It's a sad sight to see him deteriorate mentally but nonetheless, watching him walk as I drive to Starbucks is part of my routine. He is in my universe.

I was in the parking lot at work and I was considering how I would end my blog. I thought about talking about cycles and comparing the birth of a blog to the birth of a star that ultimately has an end. I also considered having a "death" theme and perhaps having my last rite before I buried this blog.

I had started to feel bad about my lackluster postings and my lack of energy due to the lack of time and I even began to question what virtue there was in blogging and... you know the drill. I felt bad that I had so many followers and so few comments. So I assumed that no one was paying attention to this blog. I browsed other blogs that managed to maintain their edge and I felt that my lack of partipation in the blogging world had finally caught up with me. I dodn't want my blog to suck so I was considering a virtual euthanasia.

Then I got a comment from Shady Dell Knight who has me as his guest blogger. I gave my music selections that have influenced me. Shady has a great blog that is very informative and super cool. I recommend it highly. You can see it here:

http://www.shadydell.blogspot.com/ .

His presentation of my music selections was awesome. He had the video with super cool graphics and I got to hear other bloggers comment about how grateful they were to learn of new music. (New to them)

Shady was very generous in his praise of my blog that it gave me that push to keep going. I remember once Kelley from http://www.kelleysbreakroom.com/ had mentioned that she wanted to quit blogging and I gave her a lashing (not physically) because I think she has such an original and witty point of view. I think that I told her that each blogger is like a different spice in a virtual soup and that she was needed to keep the soup delicious.

I thought about the advice I gave her and wondered if perhaps I add something to the soup and then I started thinking beyond the blogging community and realized that we are all inter-related in a cosmic chain of creative energy. The creativity is "out there". We are all creative beings. That is our nature. (Thank you Julia Cameron author of The Artist Way)

I have been lagging but I will make a conscious effort to keep creating. I choose to focus on the positive. I hope you choose to still follow me on this journey.

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