Comedian Gallagher was hospitalized after he suffered a heart attack. His doctor is recommending that he switch to smashing grapes.
A new "Huggies" ad has angered dads for portraying them as hapless caregivers. As soon as I find my kid, I'm writing them a protest letter.
Did you hear? A journal belonging to Lizzie Borden was recently found. If you don't know, you better axe somebody.
Ben & Jerry has created a new ice cream flavor in support of gay marriage. It's described as super fruity and God hates it.
Rick Santorum has made a campaign promise to ban hard-core pornography. Come again?
A 7.6 earthquake shook Mexico creating instant Mexican Jumping Beans.
Robert De Niro is in hot water for joking at Obama's fundraiser that it was too soon for a another white,first lady. "You know how us Guidos are", he continued.
Einstein's manuscripts are now available online. To see them, go to www.iwishiwassmartenoughtounderstandthisshit.com
I try to not get too political on this blog but I have to get something off my chest which is a common occurrence in popular culture today, that gets on my freaking nerves:
The half ass apology.
It usually happens because the person doing the apology:
A- Was being a dick
B- Got caught
C- Has to apologize because of self interest.
Here is the thing: DON"T APOLOGIZE FOR BEING YOU.
It reminds me of an Aesop Fable of the scorpion and the frog. The scorpion asks the frog to help him cross the lake. The frog is apprehensive because it fears being stung. The scorpion re-assures the frog that it would be foolish to sting the frog because it would die and they would both sink and die. The frog agrees to help the scorpion. It hops on the frog's back and half way through, the scorpion stings the frog. "Why did you do that?" the frog asks? "It's my nature" responds the scorpion.
That's just it. Just as as dog barks, and a bird flies, a dick is a dick.
There are numerous examples of this. Remember when Mel Gibson had a few too many drinks and got pulled over and unleashed his anti Semitic rant to a cop? First he blamed it on the a a a a alcohol and then he "apologized". He said that's not who he is. Correction: That is who you are. Otherwise alcoholic beverages may need to post warnings: Drinking may cause you to say what you really think and this may prove embarrassing. Drink responsibly,
Then there is Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid who said Obama could be successful because he is light skin and doesn't have a "negro dialect". After that comment he, you guessed it, "apologized". For what? That is who he is.
Now you have Rush Limbaugh who called a Harvard student a "slut" because she testified in support of including women's contraceptive to an employer's health insurance. Rush argued that she was demanding to be paid to have sex. WHAT??? It would be amusing if he didn't have a legion of fools who look to him for guidance. I like how a guy that has been married 4 times, was arrested for abusing prescribed medication (he deceived several doctors to obtain multiple prescriptions), and was caught with a bottle of Viagra that was not prescribed to him, is passing moral judgment.
In response to the bad press that his "slut" comment received and after dozens of sponsors dropped him, he ....."apologized". It was the weakest of apologies. It was preceded by comments about how he shouldn't have scooped to the level of those on the left.... but, he reassures the listeners, it was a "sincere apology".
I do believe in apologies when they are sincere and when emotions trump what you really believe. But, if you're a scorpion don't apologize for stinging. It's in your nature.
This past Monday, Rodney King pleaded guilty to reckless driving. In his defense, he claims he often gets light headed and doesn't remember why.
Former Detroit Lions running back Barry Sanders has filed for divorce from his wife of 11 years. The media has attempted to get comments from him but can't get a hold of him.
Jennifer Lopez had an Oscar slip. She was invited to the Oscars.
Mitt Romney won the Michigan and Arizona primary. The reason: Mormon voted for him.
John Lius's campaign manager has been arrested on fraud charges or as is commonly known in Wall Street, graduation.
Ron Paul said his "movement" is coming to Virginia. It's called concession.
The U.S is finally #1 in High School Education...school shootings.
An Indian tribe is suing Urban Outfitters for misappropriation the group's name on its products. They sent their message via smoke clouds.
This Feb 29 was "Leap day", a day popular among Mexicans and kangaroos.
Scientists have concluded that the bite of a T.Rex was 3 times greater than a shark but apparently not strong enough to bite through a shit load of ice.
Van Halen performed at Madison Square Garden. They played their new song "Skip"
As a result of the accident, I stood home. My sister asked me to "babysit" my nephew. My babysitting skills are as follows: Do not let the child die. That's it. If I can do that, I'm half way there. My nephew is a sweet kid but he is hyper. He constantly has to play with his shoes or bounce a ball or hit something. The dude wont stop.
I burned the oatmeal, toast, and began to watch t.v with my nephew.
"Put it on that one!" ( a cartoon on Nickelodeon)
"Let me show you another cartoon that you will like."
I put it on Daffy Duck! That's right THAT Daffy duck and Porky Pig were on. You had two characters with different speech impediments. What can be better?
"Change it, That's boring man"
I changed the channel to Nickelodeon and the cartoons were loud. Cartoons for kids today have to catch their attention. So they must include noise and more noise, and lights and flashing lights, and music and noise and more noise. The mind has to cease thinking.
The Cult of the t.v had a loyal follower in my nephew albeit an unaware believer. He was hypnotized to the screen in a manner that would make David Koresh proud. I figured we go for a walk so I can rehab my back and enjoy the sunshine and on the way back I took him to the library where he looked lost. "There's no books here" he tells me. "There are thousands of book here", I tell him. He picks 4 and I become optimistic that the book may be mightier that the box.
We get home and the books are put away but the lights and chatter of the television draw him back. Another soul lost to the box.
I did a little research and found that studies have found that there is a link between t.v watching and long-term attention problems. In one study, kids were given a task immediately after watching Sponge Bob Square pants and the more they watched, the dumber they got (paraphrased)
This makes sense. It made me look back on the role of cartoons in our society. When I was a kid, School House Rock showed me how a bill becomes law, the function of conjunctions, and that three indeed is a magic number.
When I watched cartoons, Jazz or classical music played in the background and Bugs Bunny was making satire out of historical events. Henry Mancini played the jazz melody on The Pink Panther. Legend great Charles Mingus played the themes song on Peanuts. There was a fusion of music and art which is missing today. Incidentally, I find the Pink Panther one of the funniest cartoons AND THE CHARACTERS NEVER TALKED! Imagine that.
For all of the technology that the MTV generations has given us, it's come at a price that is to distracting to be seen.
