Thursday, September 30, 2010

I got a jobby Job!!!!

After a long, long, long time of sending out resumes and attending interviews, someone said YES to me. The emotional toll of being out of work has been brutal to my mind, soul, and body. I expressed some of the angst on my blog so the regular readers know what I mean.

I want to thank many of the bloggers for keeping my spirit high when I was feeling so low. Your words made a huge difference in my outlook on life. So a big ups to you guys. (slang for appreciation).

I also want to send a message to many of the talented bloggers out there that are still jobless: Don't let the world make you a bitter person. Also, do not let a job/status define you. Your creativity is proof of your gift to society.

One thing that this recession has shown Americans everywhere is that times are hard. Many people are in tough situations. The recession has touched so many people around us. I tried staying positive when financially, I had little to show.

I learned to not take employment for granted and that we can only control so much in our lives. That portion that we can't control is not worth stressing over.

Last night I went to see some local comedians in Long Beach,CA and when I got home I finished a bottle of wine and slept comfortably.

On my way to the employment agency I played a stand up CD of Greg Giraldo (R.I.P) who died recently and I started the day with humor.

I guess what I'm trying to say is drink wine, enjoy some comedy, and you too can get hired. Stay positive bloggers!


Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Asian business men walking slowly. Trust me it's good!

9-29-10 (mark your calendar 1/2 off)

Downtown Los Angeles reach a record 113 degrees. This is the hottest Los Angeles has been not including the riots.

On Tuesday, Sally Menke, the editor of Quentin Tarantino's films, was found dead along a Los Angeles hiking trail. Police have confirmed that "Mr. Pink" is a person of interest.

Ex U.S president, Jimmy Carter is recovering after getting ill on an airplane. I would to. $50 for a carry on bag?

Lindsey Lohan returned to rehab again after failing a drug test. Hopefully she will do better at Dejavu Treatment Center.

One alleged sex victim of of Pastor Long sent a message to him, calling him a “monster”. Monsters world-wide released a press report saying: “don’t be comparing us to him.”

TMZ is reporting that Meg Whitman hired an undocumented worker to clean her house. That worker is no longer working for her. She has been auctioned off on E-Bay.

Monday, September 27, 2010


In an effort to be humorous, Stephen Colbert appeared before Congress and cracked a few jokes. Congress responded with a joke of their own: explaining their plan to balance the budget.

Katy Perry was on SNL wearing a tight, "Elmo" T-shirt to mock the Sesame Street Controversy. I wasn't tickled.

According to a study by the American Journal of Public Health, texting and driving has caused 16,000 deaths. That's h-o-r-r. "Oh no!".

Lil Wayne will release his album entitled, "I am not a human being." I knew it!

The actress who played Rose in "Titanic" died at 100 years old. In her will, she wishes for her casket to be buried at an angle and laid to rest slowly.

A Televangelist,Eddie Long, is being accused of having sex with two young males from his church. The majority in his congregation are standing behind him. It’s a lot safer than standing in front of him.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Friday, September 24, 2010

Take the mean test. If you laugh, you are mean

'We wish you the best of luck in your endeavors"

Friday = Equals = The game that needs YOU!

It's Friday again. Time for YOU to show off your funny bone. I have to be honest, this game hasn't had quite the hype that I thought it would have. Granted, I had visions of competing with "Who Wants To Be Millionaire?". Perhaps I should have been more realistic but I can dream people. I can dream.

Here is how it works. You make an equation of anything that is relevant to you and you make a formula out of it. Here is mine:




Thursday, September 23, 2010

Why I don't kill spiders

FREE FREE FREE documentaries on-Line

I love documentaries but purchasing them can be expensive. But I found a website that has excellent documentaries on an array of subjects. The best part? It's free! It's free! This link is my gift to my few but loyal followers.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

My failed attempt at creating an Indian civil war

I admit it. I'm guilty of attempting to create an Indian civil war. Let me explain. A few weeks ago I discovered an Indian/Chinese restaurant on Lincoln Blvd. The food was decent as was the price. "Hello brother" I was greeted by the owner who wore a diamond earing in his ear and had his hair slick back like Elvis Presley.

I was glad to have found an Indian restaurant near my place. The owner and the cook were very nice to me. Strangely, the cook would speak to me in Spanish. I would respond in Spanish and he gave me a confused look. I concluded that he was actually Indian but felt the need to connect with me by speaking Spanish.

Across from that restaurant is another Indian restaurant (pictured here). The food was tastier and the price was almost identical. A friendly middle-aged lady gave me excellent service by bringing me items ala carte even though the buffet was over. She agreed to charge me the buffet price. Yes!. She explained to me what I was eating and she had a very nice demeaner.

That's when I attempted to create a war bewteen the two Indian restaurants.

"Are you the same restaurant as across the street?" I quizzed her.
"No we are different."
"Who is better?" (This was the question that was aimed at starting a rift bewteen the two establishment)

She paused and politely said " I won't say anything bad about the other restaurant."
She continued, "the customer can decide for himself who is better."

I was surpised that she showed so much class and refused to bad mouth the competition. Today I returned and that same lady remembered me, "Isiah right?"

That's close enough.

Flash Back Funny

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


Tuesday Republican lawmakers stalled a Senate measure, the "Dream Act", that would have alowed some college immigrants path to citizenship. It's part of the GOP's "brown child left behind."

Bob Barker is recovering after fainting at a shooting rage in Los Angeles. At 86 years old, I'm sure he's shooting blanks.

Two men have filled a lawsuit claiming that Atlanta pastor, Eddie Long coerced them into having sex using the Bible. He mainly used the book of Peter.

Walter Breuning celberated his 114th birthday on Tuesday, making him the oldest man alive according to the Guiness Book of World Records. He is still in the process of blowing out the candles.

According to a recent report, the Global cost of dementia care is $604 billion annually. That's crazy!

Paris Hilton was denied entry into Japan. This is a rare instance when the phrase "denied entry" and "Paris Hilton" have been used in the
same sentence.

Monday, September 20, 2010


I can't wait to see the scariest Harry Potter movie to date: Harry Potter and the Tea Party witch.

Rumor has it that Facebook is working on a phone. Facebook denies it although the writing is on the wall.

In Australia the Koala population is being threatened because 50-80% of the Koalas have chlamydia. Apparently there is alot of action "down under".

Mehmet Ozyurek set the Guiness World Record for having the largest nose at 3.46 inches from bridge to tip. This record has brought him fame and a job offer from Froot Loops.

Hurricane Karl has proven deadly as it has claimed 12 lives in Mexico. The Hurricane ran into one Toyota Tercel.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Friday! = Equals = the game that needs YOU

It's Friday and true to my word I'm continuing the game thanks to the particpants that took part in it last time and because Chaka from Chaka's world said to keep it going.



Is this formula based on experience? No comment.


Thursday, September 16, 2010


Hurricane Igor is threatening to reach Bermuda. It would have arrived alot sooner but for its humpback.

U.S Treasury Secretary, Timothy Geithner, was under fire at a banking hearing for refusing to declare that China had manipulated its currency to the deteriment of the U.S economy. He said the price fluctuation is like the ying and the yuan.

Due to slow economic growth, Fed Ex is planning to cut 1700 jobs. Who is going to deliver that bad news?

Following domestic abuse allegations, boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr. is being hit with 8 charges. That's more hits than all of his opponents combined.

Susan Boyle’s dream came true as she sang to Pope himself. He was insistant that she sing Cat Steven’s “Oh very young”.

A study in London says that drugs used to treat acne, like Accutane, do not cause depression. Researcher believe that the real cause is repeatedly being called "pizza face".

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


Lady Gaga showed up to the VMAs wearing a dress made of real meat. She was almost killed when she accidently ran into Michael Vick.

Iran has released American hiker, Sarah Shourd after being jailed for over one year. To be cruel, Iran officials released her with the words, "take a hike."

A French study finds that the French are not the greatest lovers. The biggest complain women had about their men is that half-way into it, they just quit.

Pete Rose got emotional at a roast in a casino and cried about coming clean and accepting responsibility for gambling at baseball. He got 5-1 on his money that he would cry at the event.

Jennifer Lopez will be the next American Idol judge. She will give great singing advice. The contestants will be wise to listen to that advice and do the opposite.

The French Senate has approved a burqa ban. Protesters against the ban then gathered in central France wearing burqas. Initially, residents of the town thought it was ninja convention.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Listening to my phone messages


Super Mario Brothers turns 25 years old. They hold fond memories of the good ole' days when mushrooms and gold coins were affordable and there was no tax for slaying dragons.

Tensions are running high between Japan and China after japan captured the crew of a Chinese fishing boat over disputed waters. The Chinese captain is claiming he made a wong turn.

More than 400 students at Norwin High School in Pennsylvania were shocked to see gay porn images that accidently were flashed on stage during a powerpoint presentation that was supposed to highlight the importance of donating blood. The Rainbow Coalition has no comment.

Lady Gaga swept the VMA awards, winning 8 awards including best female video, best pop video, and best madonna imitation.

Britney Spear's custody of her children is in jeopardy amid child abuse allegations from her former body guard. According to the complaint, she would force her children to listen to her music.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

For Sale OJ Simpson Exercise Tape

I'm not kidding. I'm selling an OJ Simpson Exercise VHS Tape in it's original box. I posted an ad on Craigslist and God knows what kind of response I'll get. However, you my blogger friends get first dibs at it. It will make a killer gift. Did I just say that? Email me if interested.

Friday, September 10, 2010


Friday = Equals = The game that needs YOU!!!

I Tried getting this game off the ground with limited success but I still think this game will take off. Remember Rome wasn't built in one day.

Today's formula:

Foolish Italian making a fool of himself in front of television = Mike the Situation. 30 years later and broke = Tony Danza

What is your formula? Play and you will get 30 Karma pointz

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Here you have 9-9-10

The NFL season opener begins today as the Saints face the Vikings. It's also the exact same time that wives/girlfriends decide that this is the perfect time to talk about "feelings".

Quarterback, Tom Brady of the New England Patriots was invloved in a car accident in Boston. He's placing all the blame on his right tackle.

Rudy Ruettiger teammate Joe Montana said that the movie "Rudy" wasn't based on real events. Tough to tell who the real loser is.

Iran is set to release hiker Sara Shourd, jailed for 13 months, for illegaly entering Iran. In related news, she is also suing the hell out of Google Maps.

An email reading "Here you have" is spreading a virus. The weird thing is years ago I caught a virus after being told that same phrase.

P.S (The picture is of Nina who sold me my glasses. As a selling point she said my glasses will be O.K in jail because they are made of plastic. Racist? maybe. Funny? Hell yeah!)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

" You gettin' ready for jail?"

Today's story highlights how ghetto Anaheim can be. I went to the park to exercise by doing push using a park bench to do "inclines". I get a quick glance at the side of my eyes. It's two Mexican guys that look like "homies" or "Cholos" and a white girl that looked tore up.

I notice that they are staring in my direction as I'm doing push ups. They pause and stare at me tentatively. I think quick and put two and two together and realize that they probably want the bottle of whiskey that is leaning against the bench I'm using. "Do you want the bottle?" I ask. "Yeah" the white girl giggles. "What are you training for?" she asks me. "I don't want to die" is my respond.

"You getting ready for jail?" one homeboy asks me. "Something like that" I respond pretending to be tougher than I am. I leave.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

" I want to be in the band"


Hulk Hogan has been hospitalized for a back injury. Doctors have found the origin of the injury -The Iron Sheik’s camel clutch.

A home once belonging to the late John Wayne is on the market for $2.2 million. To put in an offer, contact the broker, Dirty Pilgrim Realty.

Terry Jones the pastor of Dove World Church is getting alot of pressure, especially from General David Petraeus, for planning a "burn a Koran day". Let's hope he is not trying to keep up with the Jim Joneses.

John Lennon's killer, Mark Chapman was denied parole. Imagine that.

Reggie Bush has been stripped of the Heisman trophy several years after receiving it. Talk about a strip tease.

Angelina Jolie is meeting with Pakistan flood victims. This trip will serve a dual purpose: 1-Humanitarian aid 2-Adoption.

Monday, September 6, 2010


Taylor Swift has not responded to a twitter apology message sent by Kanye West for his interruption at the VMA awards. Who reponds to spam?

President Obama is scheduled to propose tax breaks for businesses to spur economic growth. Give me a break! No really, give me a break.

The U.S Justice Department is examing BP's device known as a "blow-out preventer". The L.A Clippers are interested in this device.

Mike Edwards, a founding member of ELO was killed when a 1300 pound,giant hay bale rolled down a hill smashing him in his van. Fortunately for police, finding his body was not like finding a needle in a haystack.

Tropical Storm Hermine,which formed in the western end of the Gulf of Mexico, is expected to reach South Texas by Tuesday. It staying the hell away from Arizona.

Delivering a speech in Wisconsin, Obama said that his critics "talk about me like a dog." His speech was cut short when he spotted a cat in the crowd.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Joining the 21st century (My 200th Post!!!)

As I was driving my "Gremlin" listening to The Carpenters on my 8 track, It dawned on me, I need to join the 21st century. I bought one of those "touch screen" phones. Yes I know that there are Smart Phones that can do everything including time travel but I always saw the phone as a device to speak to someone. Yes, I know that the iPad is like a mini-computer that does it all. I'm aware of what's out there but I just don't want to be caught up in the machinery that is the Apple cult. However, I had to finally get a phone because my last phone was a "flip phone" that sounded like I was talking to someone using two cups,2 buttons, and a string.

Here is what I learned about my touch phone:

It was created and designed by a woman. Here is why. It is not only necessary that you touch the right spot. In addition to touching the right spot, it has to be touched a certain way. It's like the phone was designed with a G-spot which I still can't find.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Introducing "Equals" play along!

It's Friday so what the heck, I'm unleashing a game of sorts and I'm asking you fellow bloggers to play along. It's called equals or = I will present two things and show hey they equal each other in some sort of relationship. Here we go:


What's your formula for today. Come out of the woods bloggers! I want to get to know you guys.

The great Mitch Hedberg!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

No Work and No Pay makes me a dull boy

I've been on an involuntary long vacation AKA unemployed now for several months now and I have experienced the many emotions involved. Initially I felt relief. " God I needed a break anyway and I was burned out." Next came anxiety as I now had no schedule. Awaiting the DNA results on Maury does not count. The anxiety turned to depression as I now pondered my future and my life decisions. Then I went on several interviews. I felt hope.

There was one position in Long Beach that I thought I would get. The lady that inteviewed me was a Laker fan as I was. I got a letter saying "We're sorry...."
I felt depression again. The depression and the sense of hopelessness engulfed me on some days that I couldn't sleep or see the sun outside my room. But I kept on sending resumes. I got more interviews but some of the companies that wanted to "hire" me showed up as "SCAM" when I did a Google search.

The stress of being jobless affected me mentally and physically. I'm already crazy but the toll that it took on my body was bad. I believe that stress was responsible for some of the numbing sensation on my body.

I have sinced changed my diet, implemented an exercise routine, and I refuse to worry about that which is outside my control. I have been on two consecutive interviews and this has given me hope that someone,somewhere, will see that I'm OK.

I was rather amused by the comments of Newt Gingrich who said, "if you're unemployed and you turn down work, you're lazy." Or even better is the psychoanalysis of Ben Stein who said of the unemployed, " people who have been laid off and cannot find work are generally people with poor work habits and poor personalities."

The good news is that I have some money to keep me afloat for a little while and I'm more positive about what the future holds. I had two interviews. One with a Russian lady that kinda made me nervous and the other was with a very nice lady that seemed very sincere. I'm optimistic now (It's better for my health) All I can do is try right? I'll still keep seing humor amid the darkness and tragedy. I choose to laugh rather than cry.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The most amazing dog ever - Dances to the dog dance


A man has been shot and killed by police after he entered a "Discovery Channel Network" building and complained about its programming. The footage of the shootout will be featured on "Man versus Wild."

Burger King is said to be in negotiations with potential buyers. The potential investors were grilled for hours.

Allergan Inc, the maker of Botox has agreed to pay $600 to settle claims that it was "misbranding" the use of Botox. After the decision was reached all Allergan employees had the same facial reaction.

The FDA is looking to regulate cough medicine that contains dextromethorphan because many teens are abusing it to get high. In an extension of their power, the FDA will also look into the Catholic Church for abusing those same teens taking the cough medicine.

Dr. Jacquelyn Kotarac, 49 has died after trying to force her way down the chimney of her on again off again boyfriend. Her body was found 3 days later. The kids at that home will need to be told why Santa ain't coming this year.